You're So Much More
by vampire-legend
Summary: Bella's only escape to a contact-limiting paranoia, is music. Specifically the music of her favorite band, Asphyxiated. What happens when she starts working with the band, and begins to open up to the lead singer, Edward Masen? All-Human
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight related.**

**Prologue: **

All the pain had died down. The sting on her face, the throb in her ankle, the bruising on her wrists, the sharp pulse in her scalp. All of it was numb. Suffocating and succumbing to the dark fog around her, she was able to make out voices growing louder by the second.

They scared her. They were getting louder and louder, and it was almost screeching in her ears. She wanted to cry out and tell them to stop, but she couldn't move. She was too scared too. What if someone noticed? What if the scary man was still there, waiting to hurt her?

A pair of arms that she wanted so badly to be familiar encased her, and gently picked her up. Her whole body tensed. A cold feeling was spreading in her chest and she tried to make herself move to scream or run.

"It's okay, Bells, I'm here. I'm so sorry, I should have have been there to protect you." A voice whispered.

Though the voice was familiar, and used to be comforting, she panicked at the feeling of being touched and trapped in someone's arms. Despite the gentle hand wiping her face clean, or the familiar smell of musky spice that filled her noises, her body was on alert, and wanted to scream and run away.

Finally, the little girl found her voice and a loud scream shattered the silent night.


	2. Hear Me Now

**Thanks everyone who sent in band names! It really helped. So this is just the beginning and it's a little shaky but just try and bear with me, please.**

**Disclaimer: I sadly do not own the Twilight characters**

**Bella's POV:**

"Well it just makes me feel so happy that I should be eating rainbows and pooping out butterflies." I stated simply as I continued to stare at the wall.

Dr. Bennett, a tedious, and skinny ass woman who loves to stuff herself into the usual therapist suit that makes her look blue in the face, just continued to sit there, waiting for a decent answer to her "And how does that make you feel?" question.

_Well, I sure as hell am not giving you one, so you should just take my dad's check and go buy yourself a clue._

"Bella, please give me a reasonable answer." She said, completely ignoring my sarcasm.

"I'm sorry, what was the question again?" I said, playing stupid. Maybe if I pushed her buttons hard enough, she'd explode and run out of here screaming.

"How does the lack of contact with the male gender make you feel?" She said, patiently again.

"Like a loser who's not fuck-able." I said, giving her a mega watt smile, throwing more sarcasm her way again.

I think I finally managed to break her a bit, because her permanently plastered smile twitched a bit, and her hands tensed.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't use that type of language in my office, please. We're trying to stay positive here, remember?" She said; her voice a little harder.

I smiled, knowing I was about to get her to crack. I jumped up on the couch, and folded my knees beneath me, giving her another fake, red-carpet smile.

"Why not, Doc? We're best friends aren't we? Actually, I consider you to be so much of a good friend that I got a little secret to tell you. So last night, I was walking on 6th street and I look into this little diner in the street corner, and I could have sworn there was this lady in there that looked just like you, but I said to myself, 'Nah, that can't be the Doc. Just look how sluttish she's dressed.' And I'm not joking, this woman's boobs were practically spilling out of her dress and this guy she was with was practically drooling and…"

As I continued to ramble on and on, Dr. Bennett started turning paler by the second. I smiled inwardly to myself. I knew that the woman I had seen was indeed Dr. Bennett, and I was thoroughly enjoying her embarrassment.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm making Dr. Bennett sound like a horrible person and I'm sure if I met her on regular circumstances, she wouldn't annoy me as much. It was the tiny little fact that she was my therapist for a problem of mine that shouldn't be made into such a big deal that made me hate her.

"Well our hour is done. I'll see you another time Bella." She said, quickly closing a folder and standing up. I smiled to myself and stood to leave.

She finally cracked, I could tell. I knew that when I got home, Charlie would greet me with a frown as he informed me that the therapist had called and quit on me.

"Bye, Doc!" I called out and ran out of the office. Once I was in my rusty truck, I took a deep breath and turned on the radio.

I have yet to formally introduce myself. I am Isabella Swan, but I prefer Bella. I might have given off the wrong first impression in the office before; I only act like that when I am faced with my natural enemies. Therapists.

I'm not really like that though. I'm actually very shy and reserved. I love to read, write, and listen to music. I've always been more of a sensitive and artistic kind of girl.

I love reading classic romances and relationships that require looking deeper than what was on the surface. I wrote things that harbored the deepest feelings that only my subconscious was allowed access to. And I listened to music that wasn't just about songs, but about messages, and emotions.

I continued the hour long drive home to Forks and just lost myself in my thoughts. I bet I know exactly what you're thinking. You're asking yourself, "Why does she need to go to a therapist?" Well…I'm not going to tell you that just yet. I'm sure you may have gotten a clue though when the pretentious doctor mentioned something about male contact earlier.

There are several things you can probably think of that would result in my lack of contact with the male gender, and I'll just leave you guessing on that. I can tell you though, that it's not just with guys. Everyone seems to overlook the fact that I'm not comfortable with people, in general. So what if I freak a little when a guy comes close to me. I'm always freaking out when _anyone_ comes close to me.

Do you ever feel like a person that you walk next to on the street might just grab you by your hair and drag you off to kill you? That's how I feel all the time. I'm a little paranoid I guess, but plenty of people are like that. I don't see why I'm the only one who's getting dragged off to see a loony doctor.

I pulled into Charlie's driveway and grabbed my bag before getting out. I worked my jaw muscles a bit so I could keep control of them while talking to Charlie, so I wouldn't bust out smiling. Then he would know what was going on.

"I'm home, dad!" I called out when I got inside.

"I'm in the kitchen!" He yelled back. His deep voice sounded a little tense, and I did a little victory cheer in my head, knowing the news that was about to come.

"What's up?" I asked, sitting across the table from him where he was drinking a beer.

"Bella, I have something to tell you." He stated, looking anywhere but at me.

"Yeah, dad?" I asked, like I always did. I had plenty of practice.

"Dr. Bennett called and…she's not going to be working with you anymore." He said, finally looking at me.

I acted like practiced and let my face fall for a whole second, before wiping all emotion off my face.

"That's fine." I said, knowing it would cause him to sigh in relief, and give him the thought that I had nothing to do with the Doctor quitting on me.

I moved to get up from the table but Charlie grabbed my hand. I froze for a whole second at the sudden contact. Charlie immediately dropped my hand when he heard my quick intake of breath.

"Sorry." He whispered. His head bowed, and his hand clenched into a fist. "I'm so sorry, Bella." He whispered.

I heard his voice break a bit, and I froze again. Charlie never liked to show emotions. We were the same in that way. He was always so strong. I had only seen him cry once and that was when….the accident happened. I didn't like to see him cry. It scared me beyond words. To hear the man who's always there for you, your only helping hand, the only man you trust; to hear him cry, was like someone stabbing their hand into your chest and digging their claws into your heart.

"I don't know what to do, Bella." He whispered, looking up at me with glazed eyes. My breath shook as I sat back down.

"I should have been able to protect you; I should have been able to stop him in time." He whispered. "Now, I can't even hug my daughter without her getting frightened. I don't know what to do. I know you don't like the therapists, but I don't know how to help you. I just want my daughter to be able to live a life without fear."

I stared at him, heartbroken by his words. I knew the incident hadn't just affected me. I knew it affected Charlie as well, but this was the first time I had ever heard him say these words. He was telling me his exact thoughts, thoughts that children normally _never_ hear from their parents. I just stared at him.

"I'm sorry, Bella. It's just," he sniffled, wiping his eyes, "I wish that I could go back into time, and stop what happened."

"It's okay, dad." I began, trying to think of what else to say.

We were interrupted when the phone rang.

"That would be Alice." He said, wiping away all traces of tears. "She called earlier for you. Better not keep her waiting." He said, with a smile.

Another thing about the relationship between Charlie and I. We were very good at quickly putting things behind us.

"Right" I said, smiling back.

"Hey Alice" I stated when I got to the phone.

Alice Brandon and I had met our sophomore year of high school and we had been best friends ever since. After surviving the hell on earth known as high school, she went on with me to the University of Washington, and we came home to Forks every weekend. My appointments with the therapists were always on Saturdays so that I could go there and then come home to my dad.

Alice was majoring in fashion and design. She just _loved_ making clothes and then forcing me into them. I had to admit her clothes were really cute, but I was one of those people who thought something would be cool to wear, but then I never would wear it. She was helping her mom out right now in a little boutique shop she owned, that Alice would one day take over.

I was majoring in music engineering. I did my first year at the Art Institutes School in Seattle and then transferred to the University of Washington to finish my studies. I had the engineering part down and I was just studying music culture and history now. I already had a little job lined up for me at the Full Sound Recording Studio in Seattle. I kind of had an internship there right now, and went in to work from time to time.

"Hey, Bella, what are you doing right now?" Alice's tinkling voice asked me.

"Nothing much. Why? Do you have something planned?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Shopping!" She squealed.

"No." I said immediately. Shopping was fun when you had money and you were on your own terms, but definitely not with Alice. She took things a little to the extreme.

"Please." She whined. I could just picture her little pout now. Her big gray eyes would widen and glisten, while her little nose crinkled a bit, and her pink lips pouted. That face was impossible to reject.

I was very thankful that I was talking to her over the phone, or else I would have given in.

"Alice, I'm tired. I just came back from therapy and I'm ready to just crash." I said with a sigh.

"But Bella, we hardly ever get to-" Her next attempt to get me to surrender to her was cut off when she let out a loud squeal.

"Alice?" I asked, immediately alert. The worst ran through my head and all I could think was _Not Alice_.

"Forget what I was saying, just go to the TV and go to channel thirty now!" She said quickly.

I let out a sigh of relief, and at the same time I ran over to the living room where Charlie had just fallen asleep.

I turned on the TV and the first words I heard made me jump, squeal and accidentally trip and land on Charlie's sleeping form.

"What happened?" He said in a sleepy voice.

"Nothing dad, sorry!" I quickly apologized and turned my back to the TV.

"Alternative rock band, Asphyxiated, has finally released a confirmation that they are now working on their next album, and they will be recording soon, along with playing some minor shows in the Seattle area." The reporter announced.

Behind her, millions of screaming fans were restrained behind velvet ropes, where the three members of Asphyxiated were walking, smiling, and signing autographs.

"Lead singer, Edward Mason, confirmed the rumors of a new record during their last concert on tour, and also, put a stop to the screaming rumors of his supposed relationship with model Tanya Denali."

The screen switched to a quiet scene where Edward was sitting down and the reporter was in front of him.

"So the latest news, as you know, is this supposed relationship between you and Tanya Denali. Can you give us some information on that?" She asked.

I watched as Edward's emerald eyes widened for a second before he ran his long fingers through his bronze hair. One important thing to know about Edward Mason, is that he is a living Greek god. His face looked like it was chiseled to perfection with his straight nose, strong square jaw, and sharp cheek bones.

It was very easy to see that half of the band's fans were girls, because along with Edward being gorgeous, the guitarist, and drummer were also gorgeous. Jasper played the bass, was tall and lean, with shaggy blonde hair, and crystal blue eyes. Emmett played the drums and was built with a lot of muscles, and had dark curly hair, soft brown eyes, and cute dimples. And Edward was the lead singer, played rhythm guitar and piano, and of course had bronze hair and green eyes.

"That's not true." Edward spoke in his velvety voice that sang me to sleep every night. "Tanya and I are barely even acquaintances. I only met her at an after party and we talked for a second." He told the reporter.

I let out a breath of relief I didn't know I had been holding. I didn't believe in the rumors to begin with, quite the opposite actually, I knew that they were complete trash. How could tabloids expect us to believe that Edward had been going out with Tanya? If you obsessed as much as I did, you could tell that Edward was a definite shy guy. He stumbled a bit whenever he talked to the press, and when it was a girl reporter, he was even more nervous. He had even revealed this shyness himself in an interview.

"Is there a significant anyone at all?" The reporter asked.

"No, but who knows, maybe someday." He said with a dazzling crooked smile while scratching the back of his head embarrassingly.

The scene switched after that and the news switched off to something else. I turned off the TV, and brought the phone back to my ear where Alice was starting to talk again.

"Well, that's good. That Tanya gives me a bad feeling. But how come they only asked about Edward's love life? I would love to know if Jasper is single!" She giggled after she mentioned Jasper.

While I had a huge crush on Edward, she was in love with Jasper. Emmett, the drummer, was actually married to an actress, Rosalie Hale, who was the picture of perfection.

"Yeah. I'm going to go to sleep now, so I'll talk to you later, Alice." I said, walking up the stairs.

"Fine, good night." She said before hanging up.

I fell into bed and turned on my stereo, the speakers immediately releasing the sweet melodies of harmonizing guitars before Edward's voice sang out.

My mind began to relax as his voice enveloped around me and the steady beating of drums lulled me to sleep.

Asphyxiated was my favorite band. It wasn't that the band members were all good looking that drew me in, but the music, and the lyrics. It was so hard to find music these days, that wasn't about sex or drugs, and Asphyxiated sang nothing about that stuff. It was all about a message. Messages like there are people out there who feel just as alone as you do, and that you should be who you are even if it means that you won't fit in with the cool crowd.

This was why music was my life.

_Won't you believe in this lie with us all?_

_But now my body's on the floor and I am calling, I'm calling out to you_

_Can you hear me now?_

_What's wrong, what's wrong, what's wrong?_

_Now my body's on the floor and I am calling, I'm calling out to you_

_Can you hear me now?_

The music faded out and another song began but I had already fall into my dreamless sanctuary that was filled with melodies and velvet words.

**Edward's POV:**

"I spend two seconds with that bimbo model and suddenly she's my girlfriend?!" I cried out in frustration as I threw myself down onto the couch.

"Come on, Tanya's not _that _bad." Jasper told me as he bent his head over his guitar where he was randomly strumming.

I threw an icy glare at him before clearing my throat.

"Did you even _hear_ the way she talks?" I asked incredulously. "She used the word 'like' almost every other word. Do you have any idea how annoying that is?" I asked, throwing my arm over my eyes, willing the head ache to go away.

"What are you losers up to?" Emmett asked as he walked into the basement where Jasper and I were seated.

"We're discussing whether Tanya Denali is annoying or not." Jasper said, finally looking up from his strings and shaking his hair out of his eyes.

"She's annoying." Emmett said immediately. "Hot. But annoying."

"Ha." I said weakly in Jasper's direction. He just laughed and continued his strumming.

I began softly singing as my eyes involuntarily closed and I drifted off to sleep.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**For me, the beginning always sucks, but don't worry, things will become clearer and get better later on.**

**The song used for this chapter was **_**Hear Me Now**_** by Framing Hanley. **

**Music has a big part in this fan fiction so you can send me band names at any time and there should be a song in or at the end of every chapter.**


	3. For All The Lovers

**Disclaimer: I don't own Edward Cullen but there's no copyright that says that I don't own musician Edward Mason. Mwahahahaha**

**Bella's POV:**

I went back to Seattle on Sunday after a weekend of shopping with Alice and several conversations with Charlie. It was decided that therapy was doing nothing for me, and I managed to convince him that I was fine with the way my life was and if I wanted to change, I would do it myself.

Alice stayed for another day because she didn't have any classes on Monday and she wanted to take the opportunity for more shopping. I wouldn't call her a shopping addict but when she had the money, the mall was always her first place to go.

I was just leaving my third class when I got a call from Angela Webber, my 'supervisor' at the recording studio. Angela was really cool, and was just a few years older than me. She knew how much music meant to me and she always called me whenever something amazing was going to happen at the studio.

"Hey Angela" I greeted her as I went to go sit on the grass just outside the building. I didn't have another class for another few hours so I was ready to just relax.

"Bow down and claim your worship to me." She responded, her voice urgent and a little breathless.

A smile immediately pulled onto my face because she was always like this when something big was happening at the studio.

"Angela, I throw myself at your feet, you are my goddess. There, I sucked up, so now tell me what's going on!" I exclaimed, getting a few weird looks from people walking by. I blushed a bit, but laughed at myself, imagining how weird my exclamation just was.

Angela laughed on the other end and took a big breath, making me antsy with anticipation.

"Asphyxiated is going to be recording with us!" She squealed.

"Oh my God!" Was the first thing out of my mouth before I quickly slapped my hand over my mouth to keep from screaming out in excitement.

I squealed into my hand and my legs, which had been crossed from sitting on the ground, were shaking rapidly.

"You still there, or did you die from excitement?" Angela asked; a smug tone in her voice.

"I'm still here." I managed to croak out before rapidly whispering. "You mean that the gods of the music world are going to be recording at _our_ studio? No joke?"

"No joke." She reassured me. "They're coming tonight to just get a feel of the place and you're welcome to come, I advise you to because I decided to make this your first project." She finished a smile in her voice.

"Really?" I whispered, not believing her. "You mean that I'll be spending all their recording time with them?"

"Yes. You're more than ready to take this on, and I know that they're more than just a favorite band to you. Do you want to do this? Ben and I will be there to help if you need it." She told me, suddenly seeming a little hesitant.

Honestly, I was a little hesitant myself. Sure, I'd love to go and meet them, but to take on the job of supervising their recordings was a scary thought. What if I messed something up? The band would hate me, their fans would hate me, _I_ would hate me.

Angela sensed my sudden fear.

"Come on, Bella." She persuaded. "This is an opportunity that not a lot of people get. Just imagine how far your career could go if you were involved with a major band. Please?"

I took a deep breath and quelled the swarm of butterflies in my stomach. She was right. Besides, how cool would it be to tell Renee on my next visit to Florida that I got to meet my favorite band on a personal level and got to work with them? Very cool, that's what.

"One question" I said, knowing that I couldn't share this experience by myself.

"Shoot." Angela responded, still hesitant on my answer.

"Can Alice come?"

Angela laughed heartily on the other end and I could just imagine her sigh in relief.

"Sure."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

After a call to Alice filled with squeals, screams, and a continuous stream of her thanking me, I went to my dorm and collapsed on my bed.

I'm sure plenty of you have met your hero one time or another, right? I'm also sure you can relate when I say that I am scarily calm on the outside, while on the inside I was going haywire.

I was panicked, and at the same time, completely excited. My stomach was flipping and constricting and I knew I needed to eat because I haven't eaten since yesterday at dinner, but I didn't want to risk eating anything. Today was no day for throwing up.

I was supposed to go to the studio at eight, and it was six right now. Should I be there early to help Angela with anything? Or should I get there at the same time as the band? Should I wait for Alice or should I meet her there?

My mind was bouncing off the walls.

I decided to just play my C.D, and try and relax. It didn't help as much though, because the band was of course, Asphyxiated, and it just reminded me that I was going to actually meet them.

I had met other bands of course, but none of them could compare to Asphyxiated. I honestly pictured myself to be their biggest fan, though I'm sure there were other people out there who knew just as much about them as I did. But could any of them connect on the same level? Could any of them feel that emotion of understanding and belonging when they listened to their music?

It meant a lot to me to feel like I was understood. Like I wasn't a victim to fate, bad timing, and/or a messed up life. There were other people in the world who have gone through the same thing I have, who feel exactly the way I do, but that doesn't stop me from feeling so alone.

All that changes when I hear music playing. To hear emotions purest form. To hear the written poetry that could mean a million different things. To hear the harmony that can either make you cry or laugh. To hear a familiar beat that brings you to happy memories.

All of it makes you feel like you belong exactly where you are.

My thoughts were interrupted when Alice came barging in the door, looking frazzled, and threw her bags on her bed.

"No time to waste, we have only two hours to get ready and get over there! Let's move, move, and move!" Her tinkling voice ordered as her tiny body ran into her closet and she began to fling out clothes.

I watched, highly amused, as she bustled about for a few moments before she realized I wasn't moving.

"Bella, why are you just sitting here?! We're going to go meet our favorite band in only two hours and you're sitting here with a stupid smile on your face!" She yelled out, frustrated and frazzled.

"Alice, calm down. Why don't you tell me why you're freaking out?" I said, trying to figure out how to calm down her nerves before she hit the roof.

"I don't know." She moaned as she sat down on the bed and dropped her head in her hands. "I have a feeling like this meeting is _very_ important and I just want to make a good first impression."

She looked up at me with her wide gray eyes filled with anxiety. I was freaking out just as much on the inside, but I had gotten good at suppressing my feelings over the years. Right now, I needed to calm Alice down.

"You're always helping me make a good first impression, Alice, so let me help you today." I began; smiling at her as her tension slowly left her body. "I've met other bands before Alice, and how you dress doesn't affect them. Just put on whatever is comfiest, and be yourself."

Her tiny arms wrapped around my waist and she rested her head against my shoulder. I felt a little awkward at her touch, but Alice's touch was so innocent, like a child's. There was no way I could be scared or apprehensive about her.

She let out a huge sigh and she squeezed my waist for a second. "Thanks, Bella."

"Anytime." I offered, giggling a bit to lighten the mood.

My laughter had the desired effect, and Alice jumped off the bed and grabbed my hands, her face brightening as she smiled.

"Well then, let's get ready! Casual or not, we are about to meet three of the most gorgeous men in the world, and I am not going to meet them looking like I rolled out of the wrong side of the bed on a Monday morning."

Our laughter harmonized together as I jumped up to join her in her fashion quest.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Two more minutes" Alice squealed, as she bounced up and down on the couch in the recording studio.

"They're not going to be right on the dot, Alice." Ben said from his spot next to the Angela.

"You don't think they'll cancel, do you?!" Alice suddenly asked, horrified. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Alice, it is _very_ important for them to actually go to a recording studio if they plan on selling a new record, so I doubt they'll cancel." I told her from my spot on the couch next to her. She visibly relaxed at my words.

"They're here." Angela announced from her spot beside the window.

"Oh my God!" I suddenly exclaimed, finally letting the excitement get to me.

"You were telling me to calm down." Alice mumbled, looking at me with amusement.

"Alice, we're about to meet the music gods of the universe! Can you believe it?!" I told her in rushed whispers, suddenly not being able to find my voice.

"I know!" She squealed in the same whisper.

I clenched my fists tightly as I waited for the doors to open, and I was painfully aware of my breath coming in fast, short gasps.

"Ow, Emmett, that hurt!" A muffled voice came from the other side of the door, followed by musical laughter and another muffled voice.

"Sorry, I can't get the door to open."

Suddenly, the door bursts open, and my three music idols walked into the room.

"Emmett McCarty at your service!" The drummer said excitedly as he walked into the room.

I had long before discovered that Emmett McCarty was, no doubt, the jokester of the three. He was always smiling in front of cameras, and he was always doing the fun stuff, such as crowd surfing during concerts.

"Ow." Mumbled the guitarist, Jasper Whitlock, as he came in rubbing his arms tenderly.

I could tell that Jasper was the calmer one out of the three, though by the entrance that they had just made, I'm sure he could be just as fun as Emmett, if you got to know him. Maybe I would be given that chance.

The lead singer, Edward, then walked in behind him, a crooked smile in place as he chuckled at his band members. I felt myself smile as he walked in, not believing that my idol was in the same room as me.

Being as obsessed a fan as I am, I could tell that Edward was definitely a musical and sensitive soul. He wrote about the exact things he felt, so it was so easyto see who he was and that's what made him connect with his fans so easily.

"Hello everyone." Edward said as he surveyed everyone on the room. I felt my heart stop when his eyes landed on me.

_He looked at me!_ A girly squeal sounded off inside of me. Man, I need to pull myself together before I make a total fool of myself.

"Hello." Angela said as she stepped forward, pulling Ben with her. I grabbed Alice's elbow and stood up as well.

"I'm Angela Webber; this is my partner here at the studio, as well as my boyfriend, Ben Cheney." She introduced, as she stepped forward and Ben and her shook each of the band member's hands.

"This is Alice Brandon, a friend of Miss Bella Swan over there, who will be in charge of supervising the recordings and engineering for you guys." Angela explained, pointing out Alice and myself.

The boys came over and shook our hands, and though I had to admit, it was a little awkward for me, the excitement totally over rode it, and I was floating on cloud nine. When Edward shook my hand, an electric shock flew through me and I immediately pulled away, as Edward did the same.

I stared strangely at my hand and contemplated what I just felt. It wasn't an electric shock really, because it wasn't painful. Quite the contrary, it was warm, and pleasurable.

"I'm Edward Mason." Edward offered us, smiling at all of us.

"Jasper Whitlock." Jasper followed, giving us all a nod of his head.

"And I am Emmett McCarty, wonderful drummer of top hit alternative band, Asphyxiated!" Emmett exclaimed, suddenly pointing at his shirt.

We all couldn't help but laugh as we finally took in the matching shirts that the boys were wearing. They were a baseball design kind of shirt, with sleeves up to the elbows. In the front, it said _Asphyxiated_.

When the band turned to go give us another view, we saw that their last name was printed on the respectable shirt of the owner, with a guitar graphic, and then names of cities that they would be touring.

"Very nice." I said, smiling as I gazed at the matching shirts, which caused Emmett to start flexing his muscles. We all laughed again.

"Thanks, my aunt made them for us." Edward said, smiling at me.

**Edward's POV:**

I smiled as I heard her musical laughter again. She fit well into the music scene, I bet her voice and laughter could inspire millions of musicians.

"You guys are welcome to look around, get a feel of the place." Ben told us, gesturing with a hand.

"Don't mind if I do!" Emmett said, sprinting off to the door that led from the control room to the studio.

Bella stood up and opened the curtains which gave us view of the studio and we watched as Emmett flitted around, gazing at everything he could.

Jasper walked up to the music console where he observed the controls, dials, and knobs.

I went to the wall, where pictures and records were all hanging up. I went through several pictures until I got to some with Bella in them.

I gazed at each one, with the bands that she was posing with and other pictures of her hovering over the music console, her hands on the dials as she watched the band play, a look of passionate concentration on her face.

"How long have you been working here?" I asked out loud.

"Who?" Angela asked.

"Bella" I stated, turning a bit to see her look at me as I said her name.

"I'm actually an intern of sorts." She admitted, looking down a little sheepishly. Her cheeks filled with a red rosy color and I had an instinctive urge to brush her cheek.

"She may not be an actual employee but she's well on her way to be." Ben said, a little defensively, as if he was expecting me to start bashing on Bella, or something. "She's already got a reserved spot and she's helped several of our clients."

"That's pretty awesome." Jasper said, turning to look at Bella with a look of respect and awe.

"It is." I said, gazing at her as well. I couldn't help my traitorous eyes from tracing the features of her face.

Her heart shaped face was framed with long mahogany hair, and her doe like eyes were surrounded with dark lashes. Her lips were perfect, full, and red.

So what if I was a little taken back with her beauty? I'm a guy, it's expected. What I couldn't explain though, was that pleasurable current that flew through us when I shook her hand.

"Thank you." She mumbled, that rosy color painting her cheeks again.

A little giggle caused Bella, Jasper, and I to look where Alice was standing, amusement dancing in her eyes. She seemed like a fun little odd one, and the unexpected giggle seemed to conform it.

"Alice?" Bella asked, raising her eyebrow at her friend.

"It's nothing; I'm just being weird again." She said with a little undertone of smugness in her voice.

"How long have you and Bella been friends?" Jasper asked the little sprite.

I turned to look at him, shocked to see that he was talking to someone who he didn't know more personally. This was an unexpected event. He was staring at Alice with a look of intense concentration, and he seemed to even forget that the rests of us were in the room.

"About four years." She answered, her gaze fixed just as intensely on him as well.

He looked like he wanted to say something else, but when Alice walked to plant herself beside him; he threw away whatever he was going to say and escaped to their own little private world.

"Interesting." Bella mumbled beside me.

"Very." I agreed, before I brought back my full attention to her.

"So your studying recording engineering, I'm guessing." I asked.

"Yes. Music is basically my life, so I made it my job as well." She said, as she walked to sit on the sofa again. I joined her.

"I feel obligated to say that I am very glad to be working with you guys. Asphyxiated is my favorite band." She told me, blushing a bit again, looking down at her shoes.

"I look forward to working with you, and thank you. That really means a lot." I replied.

And it did. Every time someone told me that we were their favorite band, I felt pride fill my chest. In a world full of amazing music that inspired us, it felt good to know that someone found us special enough to be their favorite.

A knock brought us all out of out individual conversations, and we all looked to see Emmett standing at the window of the studio. He pointed to his mouth and ear, which led Jasper to flip the switch so we could hear him.

"This studio is wicked awesome! Can we please play a song? Please, please, please?" Emmett begged, widening his eyes and pouting his lips.

I turned to look at Angela and Ben who were smiling at his antics.

"Sure." Angela said.

Excitement filled me, and I jumped up, along with Jasper, and ran to the door that led us to the studio.

"You're welcome to any of the instruments there, guys." Ben's voice said from his spot at the music console, where Bella and Angela were sitting, their hands hovering over the controls.

"Want to play the new song we were working on yesterday?" I asked Emmett and Jasper. They nodded and moved to hook up their instruments.

I hooked up the keyboard and rhythm guitar, as well as the microphone before we all put on our head phones.

"Ready?" Angela's voice asked. I put my thumb up and then took a step forward to put the microphone at my lips.

_This one goes out to the lonely_

_This one goes out to the broken ones_

_This one goes out to the angels falling from the sky_

Jasper's voice joined mine quietly, to create a little undertone to the vocals. I continued playing the keyboard, repeating the rhythm over and over again.

_This one goes out to your brother_

_This one goes out to your mother_

_This one goes out to your sister _

_And this one's for you_

Emmett joined in with the drums and I quickly moved my hands to the guitar strapped around my neck and continued singing.

_And all the lover and believers_

_And the ones who've been betrayed,_

_For all the fighters, and the dreamers_

_And the ones who've not been saved_

_Don't lose your faith, I know you're right_

_Don't be scared of being lonely,_

_I'm here with you_

I looked up and the first thing I noticed was the thoughtful look on her face, and the way that she seemed to look almost sad. I was used to seeing at least one person at a concert have this look on their face, which meant they were having an emotional connection with the song.

What kind of connection could she have to this song of sad hope for someone who hasn't had the picture perfect life?

_This one goes out to the lonely_

_This one goes out to the broken hearts_

_This one goes out to the people left behind waiting to be found_

_I've seen your shadow in the dark_

_I've seen the struggle in your life_

_Feels like nothing comes out right_

I sang the chorus again, but I was also focused on the deep pensive look that was growing on Bella's face. Her hand was resting tightly against her stomach, as if trying to hold in sobs or trying to catch air to breathe.

I had never experienced the amazing connection between musician and fan until this moment right now, where it looked like the words I was singing, was actually connecting with her on an emotional level.

And yet, I was sad to realize that Bella's life had gone through something obviously heartbreaking to be able to hear the true meaning of the song. As well as sadness for her, I felt a weird sort of relief go through me. I had written this song in my own feelings of heartbreak, and it felt refreshing to know I wasn't alone in a dark world. That there really _was_ a person who felt the emotion like I did.

_For all the lovers_

_And believers _

_And the ones who've not been heard_

_I know your right_

_You've got that something in your eyes_

_I know that you will be alright_

I continued singing and softened my voice as it came to an end.

_Don't lose your faith_

_I know you're right_

_Don't be scared of being lonely_

_I'm here for you_

The song came to an end and Bella's watery eyes finally looked up and met my gaze.

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**Ha-ha, connection between them! It's not painfully obvious but you can tell that something's going on there. How many of you guessed that's why Alice was giggling? Show of hands…..heehee, I knew it.**

**Song for this chapter was **_**For All the Lovers **_**by Stanfour. You should check it out, it's awesome! **

**If you haven't already, please check out my new one-shot called With Me. It's a little random and fluffy. Lol**


	4. Stay Awake

**Disclaimer: I won't say it….No, I won't…You can't make me! **

**Editor: SAY IT **

…**Fine, I don't own the Twilight characters. Happy? *Fun sucker***

**Bella's POV:**

I looked up and came to the realization that Edward was watching me. I turned my back to the glass and quickly wiped away my tears.

When I heard they were going to do a new song, I was ecstatic. Then Edward's velvety voice overpowered me and the words caressed me and drew an emotion out of me that I thought I had long since suppressed.

That feeling of deep sadness and terror: of being completely different from everyone else: of being _broken_.

Yet, I also felt something that I had never had the pleasure of feeling. Hope. Those velvet words understood me, understood others, and it sparked a hope in me that I didn't need to hide all the time.

"That was amazing!" Alice's tinkling voice exclaimed, snapping me out of my funk.

I turned to the door where the band members were walking out.

"Thanks." Edward muttered, locking me in another intense stare. It was to intense for me, and I felt that awkward paranoia seeping in again. I looked away.

"So, do you all still plan to come on Thursday to start?" Angela asked.

"Yeah, we'll be here." Jasper answered.

"Great! Bella, can you give them your contact information and then set the alarms when you're done? Angela and I have some plans." Ben asked, looking a little sheepish.

"No problem." I reassured him. Turning off some of the lights, they walked out of the door and said their goodbyes.

"Thursday night or afternoon?" I asked. I had several classes Thursday afternoon but after three, I was completely free.

"Thursday night would be a little more convenient. My wife and I have plans." Emmett answered, flashing a dimpled smile.

"Perfect." I said, before getting down to business.

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"Were going to go out for a bite to eat, if you ladies want to join us?" Jasper asked as we began to head to our separate cars.

"Sure!" Alice immediately agreed. I was just about to voice my agreement as well before I realized that it was already late, and I had classes in the morning.

"I can't. I have classes in the morning." I said, with a frown of disappointment. Emmett literally pouted and Edward frowned a bit. Jasper was a little too busy staring at Alice to notice.

"Oh." Alice said, pouting.

"That doesn't mean you can't go with them, Alice. I'll just call a cab." I immediately said, not wanting to take any fun out of her experience of meeting the band.

"No, I don't want you going home this late by yourself." She told me, with a little nod to her head which made me clear of her intentions. She wanted to make sure _nothing_ happened to me.

"Sorry, guys." She told the band, before she grabbed my hand and led me to the Porsche.

"Alice, if you want to go, then go!" I whispered to her. "I'll be fine, trust me. You don't need to bum down your life because you're worried about me." I told her, trying to pry my hand out of hers.

"Your right, anyway. It's late, and I also have class in the morning." She told me, flashing a smile, which made me feel a little bit better.

"Bye." I heard Emmett call and Alice and I waved back as we left to campus.

**Edward's POV:**

"So what was with the goo-goo eyes you were throwing at Bella all night, Eddie?" Emmett asked, snickering as he was driving.

"First of all, I have no clue what you're talking about. Second of all, my name is Edward, not Eddie." I growled at him, feeling a little cranky.

Actually, I felt like someone had stolen my puppy and I bet I looked just like it too.

"Awe, are you missing her already?" He continued mocking. I threw him a glare from my spot of leaning my head against the window.

So what if I wanted to spend a little more time getting to know her? I had an excuse, she was utterly fascinating. She had her whole life set up and she was only in college, she clearly loved music with a passion, and there was _something _about her. Her eyes which seemed to be so emotional during certain times were closed off all the rest. She went through something in life, and she obviously was very good at hiding it.

So I was fascinated, that's no reason for Emmett to pick on me. There was a reason, however, for Jasper.

"Quit bugging me, and why don't you ask why Mr. shy-and-never-talks-to-new-people, why _he_ was making goo-goo eyes all night." I suggested to Emmett. Jasper immediately snapped out of his quiet stupor and glared at me. I only smirked back.

"Yeah, what was up with _that_?" Emmett asked. "You hardly talk to anyone unless you really know them, and now you wouldn't shut up. Have a fancy for the little pixie, don't we?" He teased.

"Yes." Jasper answered shortly. I turned to him in shock, and took in his dead serious face.

"You just met her." I detailed in. I didn't mean anything to Alice by it, but she could be a whole bunch of bad things, and Jasper was already smitten.

"It doesn't matter." Jasper defended quickly. His piercing blue eyes stared out the window, and a little smile was pulling on his lips. "She's special. I know it."

I just stared at him, trying to figure out if he was on drugs or not. Emmett, on the other hand, was laughing and talking up a storm about how cool it would be to have the little pixie as a sister.

"I also got her number." Jasper suddenly said. My head whipped back to look at him, and sure enough, he was waving his phone around proudly.

"You got her number?" I asked incredulously.

"Yup." He said smugly. "I may be quiet all the time, but when I meet someone special, I pull out the old Whitlock charm."

"What Whitlock charm?" I mumbled as I turned back forward in my seat. Jasper hit the back of my head in retaliation.

"Play nice kids." Emmett said, highly amused, watching our display as we pulled into the lot of our building.

I rolled my eyes and jumped out of Emmett's jeep. We went up to the top floor that we shared and entered our separate apartments. We each had a room and then we shared the three other rooms on the floor which were the small studio, the game room, and then the random room where we just threw stuff in.

I went straight to bed and collapsed. I turned on my IHome and just let the music wash over me. So much had happened today and yet it seemed like nothing at all had gone down. The only thing we did was go check out the studio where we were going to record and the next thing I know, I'm getting dragged into my thoughts because of a girl I met.

That was not normal. _She _was not normal.

I groaned and rolled over in bed, kicking off my shoes and managing to wiggle off my jeans at the same time. I pulled up the covers and then took my shirt off before settling deeply into my bed.

I began singing softly, like I did every night, and I slowly began to drift to sleep.

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The next day we had spent by playing around and writing another song, and now it was Thursday night and we were heading over to the studio.

"Happy that you're going to see your girlfriend again, Jasper?" I teased as I drove the Volvo.

All of yesterday, when we were playing, Jasper kept texting and sometimes, he had an occasional call. Finally, after Emmett pinned him down and I stole his cell phone, we saw that he had been talking to Alice.

"She's not my girlfriend and shut up." Jasper mumbled. I could see in the review mirror that he was turning a little pink. I snickered quietly to myself.

"Jasper's not the only one who's excited to see someone, is he Eddie?" Emmett began. "You were moping around all of yesterday, and now, suddenly you're Mr. Happy."

"Shut up." I snapped. "I was not moping."

Jasper snorted behind me and Emmett was laughing. Okay, so maybe I _was _moping. I'll admit it. A part of me was craving to run to Bella's college and try to find her. After yesterday's short conversation with her, I couldn't help but get addicted. She was fascinating, and I could tell there was so much under the surface with her.

"Just admit it, Eddie. You're crushing on her." Emmett said from his spot next to me, slapping my shoulder.

"I don't have a crush on her." I started. Both of them snorted and I rolled my eyes. "There _is _something about her though."

"Yeah." Jasper suddenly said from behind me. "I noticed that. The way she hides everything, and you can hardly even tell. The way she focuses her life so much on music like she's trying to escape from something."

"Exactly." I mumbled, as I pulled into the lot of the studio. "I just want to know her."

As I stepped out of the car, I couldn't help but smile at the yellow Porsche and the rusty red truck next to it. Bella looked like someone who would drive that truck.

"Honey, I'm home." Emmett called as he opened the door to the studio.

Several laughs sounded off and I tried to push my way inside but I got in last. Emmett immediately started talking with Angela and Ben, while Jasper rushed over to the couch where Alice was sitting silently, writing something.

I searched for Bella but I couldn't find her. I was about to ask when I caught sight of her through the window leading to the studio.

She was holding an acoustic guitar and her fingers stroked the chords rhythmically. The sound wasn't turned on though, so I couldn't hear what she was playing. I opened the door to the studio as silently as I could, and stepped in.

She didn't notice my entrance, but she did stop playing for a second. Then the next second she started again. Her nimble fingers played a familiar melody and I could hear her quiet whispers as she sang the words softly to herself.

I couldn't quite make out the words but I knew the song so I knew what she was singing. Her voice sounded smooth and vulnerable. I was standing right next to her and she hadn't even noticed, because her hair was casting a veil between her face and my sight. I badly wanted to see her expression though.

There was a chair right in front of her so I walked around and sat in it. Her expression made my heart melt. Her eyes were closed but her beautiful features were so relaxed and it made her face glow with passion.

"Wow." I sighed softly, not even realizing it. She heard it though.

Her eyes flew open and she sucked in a sharp breath.

"Sorry." I said immediately, hoping to erase that panicked expressions on her face. "I didn't mean to startle you."

She let out a sigh of relief, before she flushed red.

"It's fine." She murmured, looking down. Her embarrassment was too cute to go unnoticed. I smiled and fought my instincts that made my hand want to go out and brush her cheek.

"You have a beautiful voice." I told her. She flushed red again, and she moved to take the strap of the guitar off.

"Don't stop." I murmured, wanting desperately to hear more.

"I was just messing around." She muttered, before looking up and smiling at me. I immediately smiled back. "Besides, you're the one who's supposed to be sitting and playing. Get to work." She teased, handing me the guitar.

"The others are a little busy right now." I pointed out, turning to look through the glass where I could see Emmett flapping his arms around for some unexplainable reason.

Bella laughed, and the tinkling melody hit me hard.

"Hmm" I mused, before setting my hands on the guitar and playing random chords, trying to find the melody. This would be easier with a piano.

"What are you doing?" She asked, sitting back down. There was no way I was going to tell her what I was really doing, so I just smiled at her.

"Just messing around" I said, mimicking her words from earlier. She smiled and leaned back in her chair.

It was then that I noticed how tense she was. Her body was rigid and taught and her hands were pressed tightly against her stomach. Her posture was rigidly straight and her breaths were quick and shallow.

This was one of the things that fascinated me about her. I leaned forward, judging her reaction. Her legs pressed tighter together, and she automatically leaned back, her eyes widening for a second. I felt like a total jerk, because I obviously just made her feel very uncomfortable.

Either she just didn't like being in a room alone with me or contact of any kind made her nervous. It could be either. I leaned back and gave her space, but she still didn't relax.

I looked away and began strumming the first song that came to mind. I focused on the words as I began softly singing, remembering the feelings that went through me when I wrote it. The agony and guilt that I put into a more up-beat tune so that it wouldn't make me want to scream.

I remembered the pressure of first making the big time, and the need to reconnect with the innocent child I used to be. Then I wrote about the hope that people I care about gave me. Everything I had in me, I wrote and sung in the happiest, hopeful tone I could, wishing someone could hear the plea for help. No one understands the guilt I hold, or the regret that pulls me down. I just needed one person to understand, and maybe I'd stop feeling like the world was crashing down on me.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when something moved in front of me. I noticed Bella, and saw that she was suddenly relaxed. Before, she had been so tense, looking almost ready to run from the room, and now she relaxed into her sitting position with her eyes closed and a small smile on her lips.

"That's one of my favorites." She murmured, when she noticed that I stopped singing.

She opened her eyes and I basked in the emotion in her eyes. The anxiety, fear, hope, and most importantly _understanding._

She stared straight into my eyes as if she could see every scar my soul held.

"Why did you do that?" She asked suddenly. I looked at her, confused, and noticed her intense curious stare.

"Do what?" I asked.

"Crash in all the emotions like that. The lyrics are guilty and sad but it's such a flashy melody. And then the chorus gets all hopeful. Why did you do it like that?" She asked.

I gaped at her, suddenly feeling very exposed. She noticed it. She saw the story behind it. She saw _me._

"Because that's life." I told her, still feeling bewildered. "It's always going to be different emotions thrown at you, most of them bad, but the best way to handle it, is to look on the bright side and be happy with what you have. Just to understand that the good thing about life is that it goes on."

She smiled and her eyes seemed to shine more.

"I knew there was a reason why you guys were my favorite." She murmured to herself. "The song says it all." She finished, standing up, smiling, and walking back out to the other room.

I was left breathless. The song could have been taken so many different ways, could be interpreted to whatever way the listener wanted, but she saw everything. She heard that cry for help that I was desperately whispering.

How did she do that? It was probably the flashiest and peppiest song that we had, but she still knew.

Fascinating. Utterly, and completely fascinating.

"Hey Eddie" Emmett's voice suddenly echoed around me. "Quit staring off into space and get over here."

I stood and went back into the control room where everyone was waiting.

"What's up with you?" Jasper asked, noticing my incredulous stare.

"Nothing" I muttered. I turned to look at Bella, who was staring back at me curiously.

"Nothing at all" I muttered again.

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"Seriously?" Alice said, trying to reign in her laughter at Emmett.

"Seriously" Jasper confirmed, laughing with her as they discussed the odd things that Emmett had done in life. The big goofball just sat next to them, basking in the attention.

Angela and Ben were talking quietly in front of the music console, their hands intertwined and their faces close.

Then Bella sat right in front of me. We were sitting on the floor in front of the door to the studio and just continued talking. We had recorded a couple songs and gone through different acoustics and everything and now, we were just hanging out and talking.

I had to find out more about Bella, so I asked her to sit with me and we just began talking. At first, she was rigid again, but after I asked her something to do with music, she relaxed and her guarded eyes opened up again.

"Exactly" She exclaimed excitedly, throwing her hands in front of her to emphasize her happiness.

I laughed along with her as we continued talking about different eras and genres of music and which time of music we would have loved to live in. We had also touched on more personal subjects such as school and family. Well, we touched on _her_ school and family. I couldn't give much information about me.

She was twenty and I was twenty one, so we were both college age, except she actually studied and because our band was signed a couple months after high school, I didn't go into college. We discussed the horrors of high school for a bit, and then she told me about her dad and mom. I could only tell her about my aunt Esme and uncle Carlisle.

I wasn't willing to approach the topic of my actual parents. Just like she wasn't willing to approach the topic of what had happened in her life to make her hide all the time.

We were able to talk and agree on most things, and tease each other, except we knew the boundaries of what the other was not going to talk about. It felt nice. To open up. It wasn't completely open, but it managed to make me forget about those problems and all I thought about was the beautiful, funny, and understanding woman in front of me.

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**Bella's POV:**

"See you tomorrow." I told Edward, as I hopped into my truck.

"You better be there." He warned, teasingly. I smiled and he smiled back. He waved and the guys all got into the car with him.

I pulled out of the parking lot and made my way back to campus. I was on top of the world right now. Never, since the time before I was six, have I ever felt like that. That feeling of not looking over your shoulder or thinking everyone was out to get you. Not having to be paranoid, and not being tensed and ready to run every second of the day.

Edward made me feel the relaxed way I felt every night when I listened to his velvet voice lull me to sleep. I felt so normal.

When I got home, and said goodnight to Alice, I went straight to bed and played the song that Edward had sung quietly in front of me.

I always thought I was wrong in my interpretation of the song. I thought I was just too much of a melancholy person and was looking too far into it. Alice just thought it was an upbeat song with a meaning to live your life, despite the bad things. I agreed with her on that, but I looked farther into it.

It sounded as if Edward was trying to describe his life. Trying to describe whatever problems he had in his past but be optimistic and hopeful as well.

When he told me what the song was about, I smiled, realizing I was right in my assumptions. I was glad that I was able to look farther into it than the beat.

I began to fall asleep just as Edward's voice got to the chorus.

_Stay Awake_

_Get a grip and get out, _

_You're safe_

_From the weight of the world, _

_Just take _

_A second to set things straight_

_I'll be fine_

_Even though I'm not always right_

_I can count on the sun to shine_

_Dedication takes a life time_

_But dreams only last for a night_

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**Song is **_**Stay Awake (acoustic version)**_** by: All Time Low. This chapter might have been a little confusing, but that's kind of the point. Edward also has something in his past that troubles him, and music is also his escape.**

**I was trying to emphasize the importance of different interpretations of a song, cause if you listen to the song, it really is pretty flashy and peppy. The lyrics can be taken whatever way you want though, depending on how you feel. It's like one of those universal songs, so it fit well for Edward. I understand if you can't see the resemblance, so sorry if it's mega confusing for you. **


	5. Swing Life Away

**Disclaimer: It breaks my heart, but I do not own anything Twilight related.**

**Bella's POV:**

_You know, for such an exciting subject, this class sure is boring. _I mused as I struggled to keep my eyes open. The balding professor at the head of the classroom kept droning on and on, taking no notice of the drooping heads of his students.

I glanced at my watch and sighed in relief when I saw that there were only a couple of more minutes until the class was over. After this, I was heading straight to the studio with Alice.

Thinking about going with Alice, caused my mind to start drifting to yesterday. I thought it was absolutely hilarious that Alice and Jasper had been talking with each other. I caught her texting during the day and when I finally managed to pry the phone out of her hands, she admitted to giving Jasper her phone number and that they had been talking all day.

Since Alice had no night classes, and Angela and Ben had no problem with it, Alice accompanied me to the studio and was coming again today. I didn't want to be rude and ask Alice about their relationship, if it was just friendly or something else, but I was dying to know.

_I'll ask her as soon as this class is over._ I concluded.

When the professor finally ended the class, I shoved my books into my bag and ran for the exit, just like everyone else. As soon as I was out of the building, the flashy yellow paint of Alice's Porsche caught my eye. The little pixie sat on the hood with her sketchpad in hand, probably drawing another design.

"Hey Alice" I greeted as I stepped in front of her.

"Hey" She greeted back, smiling, and putting up her sketchbook. We slid into the car and started off in the direction of the studio. Alice was humming to herself, and there was a brilliant smile on her face. Her excitement and happiness made me suspicious once again of her feelings for Jasper, so I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to ask her.

"I'm so excited to see Jasper." She suddenly blurted out before I could ask the question. I didn't need to ask anything, because she continued to talk.

"I know I've just barely met him, but there's something about him. He's so sweet, and charismatic. Whenever I talk to him, I get these little butterflies in my stomach and I feel like I'm standing on top of the world!" She exclaimed. She bounced a little in her seat and leaned forward to hug the steering wheel closer to her.

"So you like him? _Like him, _like him?" I enunciated, making sure to make my point was clear.

"Yes." She sighed softly. "Bella, I've never felt like this."

I smiled sadly, and had an internal fight. If I told Alice to be careful, she would probably get mad at me, but if I said nothing, she might end up heartbroken. Whether she would get mad at me or not, I needed to warn her.

"Be careful, Alice." I started, glancing at her to make sure she wouldn't blow up. "He is famous in a way, and you never know what will happen. What happens if he doesn't reciprocate your feeling? Or if you do get together, and you can't handle your life being thrust in the public?"

I glanced at her again and noticed the thoughtful look on her face. At least she wasn't mad.

"I know it's strange but I have this feeling like its fate. It's all going to work out, I know it." She briefly glanced at me and I noticed the way her eyes shined.

"What if it doesn't?" I contradicted. I didn't want to stifle any of her dreams but I just needed to get it into her mind that life isn't perfect.

"It will." She said with another smile.

"But what if it doesn't?" I pressed again. She sighed and then looked at me, rolling her eyes.

"Haven't you learned not to bet against me?" She mumbled sounding a little agitated.

"If it doesn't work out, then I will just go lesbian and convince you to be my lover. I'm sure you would be great in bed." She said with a wink in my direction. I laughed and let the serious conversation drop.

Alice knows how to take care of herself. If Jasper hurt her, she'd kick him where the sun don't shine and make sure that boy was never able to have kids.

We pulled into the parking spot, and we made our way inside where the band was already sitting.

"Hey Bella! I just got a call that my cousin is in labor right now, do you mind if Ben and I leave?" Angela asked, her eyes darting around frantically.

"Sure Angela, go! Make sure they name the baby after me though." I told her, she laughed briefly before dragging Ben out the door, and I could hear her burn rubber outside. Dang, she was in a hurry.

"You showed." Edward's voice suddenly said from behind me.

I turned to see a smirk on his face and his hand running through his hair. He was referring to yesterday when he made me promise to come back cause after spending the whole night talking to him, he was sure that his "weirdness" would scare me away.

"Told you I would" I told him with a smile as I moved to put my bag next to the couch.

Even though he had been able to make me feel comfortable yesterday, the paranoia and anxiety was slowly spreading through my chest again. Especially since Edward was only six inches away from me. That cold void was settling on my chest and my muscles were rigid with the adrenaline that would fuel my need to run if I needed to.

It's not like I was having some weird emotional breakdown or something. My brain and my body knew that not everyone was out to get me, but my brain wanted to take precautions. I accepted it willingly, and took the precautions of being wary and ready to run like hell if something went wrong.

Only my mom, dad, and Alice were able to relax me just enough to make me lose that wariness and paranoia. There were moments though, like the encounter with my dad on the weekend, when they would accidentally startle me and a memory of the past would flash in my mind, scaring me, which would take forever to calm me down. I'm surprised I was able to relax yesterday with Edward. I think it was just because we were talking about music, and that was a subject that always calmed me.

"So have any cool new songs to record today?" I asked as I turned around to face the band and Alice, who was sitting next to Jasper.

"We have one song that we finally finished writing, and Edward wanted to run something by us that he wrote yesterday." Emmett answered from his spot on the couch.

"Okay, then let's get started."

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"What if we make the first scream fade into the background a little more, and then the acoustics right after can just build off of it." I offered.

I turned to Edward on my right who was looking confused, and Emmett and Jasper on my left were looking a little frustrated.

"What do you mean?" Emmett finally asked. He looked a little sheepish to ask and Edward and Jasper were both looking away in embarrassment, because I could tell that they also didn't know what I meant. It wasn't a bad thing, they were only supposed to make the music, _and I'm_ the one who's supposed to know this stuff.

"Here, like this." I said as I began the recorded song and then began changing the acoustics like I was saying, letting them hear what I was saying earlier.

"Oh!" All three of them exclaimed as they heard the song with the different sound at the beginning.

"That's sounds so cool!" Emmett said, jumping up. Edward and Jasper voiced their agreements.

"Can we do the same thing at the end, then?" Edward asked.

"Except backwards" Jasper added in.

"So that it finishes in a big bang" Emmett added after.

I smiled at their enthusiasm as they finally got into the engineering part.

"No problem." I stated as we continued cleaning up the sound.

Alice was on the couch behind us finishing a sketch of hers. She told me, when the guys were recording, what the design was. It was a pair of jeans that just screamed "Asphyxiated". Just like the band, it wasn't committed to a single style, but had different ones. They weren't straight, skinny, or baggy, but the design was just so cool. Alice really did have talent.

"That song you were working on," I began asking Edward. "Are you going to leave it acoustic?"

"Most likely" He said, turning away from the music console to look at me. His face was only inches away and I was surprised that I didn't feel adrenaline shooting through me. Instead I felt a current of tingling electricity.

"We're trying to keep an even balance between hard core and acoustic." Jasper added in, which caused me to turn away from Edward and look at the console again.

After another hour and a half, we finally finished and it was ten o'clock. It's a good thing it was Friday, which meant no classes tomorrow. I was locking up the studio when Edward's voice came from behind me.

"The guys and I were going to go get something to eat. Do you and Alice want to join us?" I turned and saw a hopeful look on his face. How could I say no to that? Besides, Alice was behind him nodding her head furiously to convince me to say yes.

"Sure." I said with a smile. Alice pumped her arms up in excitement and Edward smiled in relief. Alice and I quickly put our bags into her car before climbing into Edward's Volvo.

"Where to?" I asked, snuggling in beside the car door and Alice. Jasper was next to her, while Emmett had shotgun and Edward drove.

"Whatever meets your fancy" Edward said.

"I'm kind of in the mood for pizza." Alice piped up, bouncing a little with excitement.

"Pizza it is then." Jasper said, and then told Edward a certain place to go.

Riding with the band had to be one of the funniest experiences I have ever had. I was a little on edge but Emmett had us laughing so much that I completely relaxed after a while.

"Here we are." Edward said, pulling into an arcade and pizza place. I let out a little giggle and Edward smiled slyly at me through the review mirror.

"Awesome!" Emmett bellowed before jumping out of the car and sprinting to the entrance. We all laughed heartily as we made our way to the building. It's a good thing that we were the only ones around, besides the people working, because we didn't want someone to recognize the guys.

It's not like they were movie star famous, they were just like other bands that were noticed only to those who knew them, but could seem like a regular person to someone who didn't listen to their music. The band of Asphyxiated was a little more wide known to the female population though, because of the guy's good looks.

When we got inside, Emmett was already waving madly at us from a table at the back. A waitress was just walking away so I figured out that Emmett had already ordered for us.

"I got a meat lovers, pepperoni, and cheese. Now let's get this show on the road!" He exclaimed, jumping up as soon as we reached the table. He ran to the first game he saw and started dispensing quarters, ready to play. Alice and Jasper laughed and went to go play some air hockey.

"Do you mind if we just sit?" Edward asked me.

"Of course" I replied, sitting down in the booth. He slid in front of me. I was expecting at least a little bit of tension from myself, but there was nothing. Not a single ounce of fear in me at all. The edges of his lips pulled up slightly and he watched me intensely.

"What?" I asked, feeling a little self conscious. He sat up straight from his leaning position and smiled crookedly.

"Do you realize how fascinating of a person you are?" He suddenly asked, looking at me with shining eyes.

"What do you mean?" I asked. There was no way that plain Bella Swan could fascinate him. He's a rock star, he's bound to have seen tons of fascinating people, and I sure didn't count as one.

"I mean that you're utterly fascinating." He said again. He leaned forward and watched me intensely. I was starting to wish that my mind would give me a little shot of adrenaline right now, because for some reason, his closeness was making my heart pound.

"I think you have the wrong person. Besides being obsessed with music, there's nothing that interesting about me." I told him, turning away from his stare. I watched with a small smile as my sight set on Alice and Jasper who were laughing as they played air hockey. Emmett was playing a game with guns and he had the fake gun clasped in his hands tightly with a look of amusing concentration on his face.

"Oh, how wrong you are." Edward murmured in front of me. I turned back to him and was caught off guard at his stare. His green eyes were intense, his brow furrowed, his lips a bit pursed. I felt a blush creep up my neck at the intensity. Edward caught that and he chuckled, relaxing from his stare and sitting straight again.

"You'll see one day, Bella. I'll show you how amazing you are one day." He told me with another smile. I rolled my eyes at him but smiled back.

"So, I know everything that a fan can manage to know about you guys, so how about you give me something that you've never told a tabloid." I asked, folding my hands in front of me and leaning forward over the table. He chuckled before looking deep in though.

"Hmmm, I wear boxers not briefs." He told me with a serious look on his face. I tried to keep my face as serious as his but both us ended up cracking up laughing.

"No, seriously" I ridiculed. He smiled and looked down at his folded hands on the table.

"Hmmm." He mused to himself. His face lit up as he lifted a finger in the air, signaling he had thought of something. "I used to wet the bed until I was ten."

I was waiting for him to crack up again, but his face was totally serious, and a bit embarrassed.

"Really?" I asked, surprised. His neck flushed as he looked down and meekly nodded his head. I bit the inside of my cheek to try and restrain myself from doing anything mean, but he looked up and I couldn't help a little giggle and a small smile.

"Whatever." He muttered, embarrassed, looking down. I felt bad that I couldn't restrain myself, but I also smiled at his embarrassment.

"I once took out half of my high school when I tripped on the football stadium bleachers." I told him blushing a little. He looked up and cracked a smile, which was the reaction I was hoping for.

In reaction to his smile, I grinned a little and made eye contact with him. As soon as I did, I felt electricity again. I was unaware that Jasper was chasing Alice around the arcade for some reason, and I wasn't aware of Emmett yelling in victory. All I could see was my music idol right in front of me. His piercing green eyes were staring back at me and it was like someone suddenly opened a floodgate of emotions. His eyes were sad. Behind all that passion and happiness, there was a deep agony in him. His green eyes with gold flecks were tired.

"You know you never told me," I began. "What got you into music?"

As soon as the question left my lips, that guard of happiness returned to his eyes, and his eyes widened a bit, and he somehow made them shine just like rock star's eyes should.

"Just high school drama." He mumbled. I had to be an idiot to realize that that wasn't the truth, but I was hiding things as well, and this wasn't going to be a case of 'if he tells, I'll tell.' There were obviously things in his past that haunted him just as much as I was. I wasn't about to push him to release all of that agony.

I smiled and brushed his hand reassuringly real quick. It felt good to touch him. I wasn't having any tense moments and the way I felt around him was just as comfortable as the way I felt around Alice, Charlie, and Renee. I was expecting my touch to him to maybe tense me up a little, but instead, I relaxed. Edward looked down at the touch and smiled a bit. His eyes looked up through his eye lashes and he looked like a shining Greek god.

"A large meat lovers, pepperoni, and cheese." The waitress said as she arrived at our table, juggling three pizza pans. Her voice affectively broke up the staring competition between Edward and I and I took that time to restart my heart. Dang, this rock star sure knows how to dazzle a girl breathless.

She left with a friendly smile and a lingering stare towards Edward. I couldn't help but smirk. As soon as Emmett, Jasper, and Alice saw that the food was here, they came running. The rest of the night was filled with laughter, games, and easy going conversation.

"We had a great time tonight, guys! See you tomorrow at four!" Alice yelled while I waved enthusiastically. The guys waved and called back while Alice and I slid into her car.

"That was the most fun I've had since we pranked Mike Newton out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles on prom night!" Alice exclaimed as we zoomed down the road. I enthusiastically agreed and we turned up the music and sang loudly and crazily. We've had too much fun already and we weren't willing to let it end.

As soon as we got to our dorm, the fun and exhilaration finally got to me and was replaced by a dreary cloud of weariness. I was asleep as soon as Edward's voice came out of my speakers.

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**Edward's POV:**

"Well, that has got to be the most fun I have had in a while." Emmett exclaimed. "It would have been better if Rose was there, but _no_, she had to go do a photo shoot. Man, I never what it felt like to be a fifth wheel until today." Hr finished with a pout.

I rolled my eyes and Jasper spoke up to contradict him.

"Emmett, for you to be a fifth wheel, it would require Edward and I to actually be in relationships with Bella, and Alice."

Emmett smiled slyly and waggled his eye brows.

"Please, y'all were drooling over them all night long. You guys were practically in your own little world, that t should have been a date."

"Whatever." Jasper and I said at the same time, scowling at him.

"Well someone's cranky. Don't snap at me for just stating the obvious." He shot back at us.

When we got home, I immediately went into the music room while they both went to bed. There was a song starting to write itself in my head and I needed to get it out and on paper. As soon as Bella had sensed that I did not want to talk about what got me into music, I realized we were a little more similar than I had guessed. We both had scars from our pasts, and we just wanted to run away from them.

I began strumming and singing the words that had fabricated in my head while we were eating and began to build a song off of that.

_I'll show you mine,_

_If you show me yours first,_

_Let's compare scars,_

_I'll tell you who's is worse_

_Let's unwrite these pages and,_

_Replace them with our own words_

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**Song for this chapter is **_**Swing Life Away**_** by: Rise Against. It's a little different but the lyrics fit well.**

**Thanks to everyone who is reading and reviewing, and remember that you can send in names of your favorite bands at any time. Quick question! Do you guys want Rosalie to be nice? She has a specific part to do later on in the story, but whether she's nice and friendly, or cold and bitchy is up to you. **


	6. Tongue Tied

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters, but I do own the fictional band of Asphyxiated. That's good enough for me! In your face Stephanie Meyer!**

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**Edward's POV:**

"Can't we at least add in a guitar solo or some screaming?" Emmett whined as we went over the rewrite of the song we were working on.

"I thought you said that you wanted this one to be more mainstream." I argued back. Jasper just sat quietly, occasionally rolling his eyes.

"You guys still are having trouble in there?" Bella asked, her voice echoing around us. I sat up a bit and spoke into the microphone so she could hear us from the control room.

"Yeah. One of us happens to have a short attention span and can't make up his mind." I said, throwing Emmett an accusing glare. Bella giggled and I could hear Angela, Ben, and Alice's laughter behind her.

"Would some pizza settle the drummer boy's mind?" She asked.

"Hell yes!" Emmett yelled, causing me to cringe since he was right next to me. Bella laughed again and asked us we wanted before calling for delivery.

Twenty five minutes later, there was a knock at the door. We had since taken a break from writing and moved into the control room to wait for the food. Bella got up to answer the door, but I didn't want her to pay, so I followed.

She opened the door to find short brunette carrying the three pizza boxes. She looked to be about seventeen, and she obviously hated her job since she seemed to have a permanent frown etched on her lips.

"One meat lovers, one cheese, and one with all the works?" She asked Bella, to which she responded with a smile and a nod.

"Seventeen dollars and fifty-three cents." The delivery girl told her. Bella reached into her pocket but this is when I stepped around her and stilled her hand.

"Let me get this." I told her. I brushed off her protests as I handed the girl the money. I noticed that the girl went pale white though.

"You're Edward Mason." She whispered in shock. I smiled and nodded. Her eyes lit up and she balanced the pizzas on her knee as she started to dig into her pockets. I quickly took the pizzas and gave them to Bella before the girl could drop them. The girl suddenly found a pen and paper and she blushed as she looked at me.

"Could I please have your autograph?" She asked, a little sheepishly. I smiled, happy that she was a fan.

"Sure. In fact, the entire band is here, I could get there signatures as well if you want?" I offered; the girl looked like she had died and gone to heaven, which made me smile even more. She nodded her head enthusiastically, which caused Bella to giggle a little bit. She put her arm on the girl's back, leading her inside.

"Come on in while he does business." She joked. The girl laughed and smiled widely.

"I'm Kate, by the way." The girl introduced herself. I smiled again as I called out to the guys as soon as we were in the control room.

"You mind giving Kate an autograph?"

They both agreed heartily and jumped up. After Kate left back to work (jumping in joy for the picture and signed paper), we ate and then went back to writing the song. Emmett was much more agreeable now that he had food in his system.

"Yes!" I exclaimed as we finally finished the song. I looked up in excitement to look at Bella in the control room but frowned when I saw her and Alice getting ready to leave.

"Where are you two going?" I asked in the microphone. She turned and put her bag around her shoulder before leaning down to answer.

"Angela and Ben have to take care of ya'll for the rest of the day. Alice and I are going home to visit our families and we'll be back on Monday." She said, the added echo in her voice making me frown even more as it seemed to almost mock me that I was sad she was leaving.

"Oh." I said lamely. I heard her giggle which made me look back up. She had a little smile on her lips.

"You look like I just ran over your puppy." She joked. I smiled a little at her but frowned when I heard Emmett and Jasper laughing hysterically behind me.

I turned to glare at Jasper. "You know, Alice is leaving too." That caused him to stop laughing. He turned to the glass and pouted at a giggling Alice.

"You guys will do fine without my assistance for a day and a half." She reassured and joked at the same time. She smiled teasingly at Alice before saying, "and it's not like Alice helps around here anyway. She's just here to pretty up the place."

Alice giggled and smacked Bella's arm jokingly. She leaned in front of Bella to say something in the intercom.

"We'll see you on Monday boys. Try to agree with them once in a while, Emmett." She said, before standing straight and beginning to walk away with Bella.

"Wait!" Jasper and I yelled at the same time, jumping up and sprinting toward the door to the control room. Jasper immediately started whispering with Alice, while I stood lamely in front of Bella, trying to think of something to say.

"Uhm, bye" I whispered lamely, my mind coming up blank for something to say. She smiled at me and my heart seemed to throb as I gazed at her beauty. Those deep guarded eyes were open to me right now, and I felt like I could see her soul. I wonder if she realized how much I liked her. _Like her,_ in the romantic way.

There was something about Bella that made my heart pound whenever I was near her. I had never felt like this before. I mean it when I say _never._ I had a few childhood crushes that ended quickly but I've never actually _liked_ someone. Heck, I've never had a girlfriend, and I've never been kissed. I've never looked for affection or love and after the incident with my parents; it never even crossed my mind.

I always knew though, that if I ever considered a love life, the girl would have to know me like she's known me forever. I would need someone who could understand every aspect of my mind. And Bella did. My music was my mind, and she understood it perfectly.

"Good-Bye Edward." Her voice said, bringing back to my present state of mind. She smiled and bumped my shoulder playfully before turning to leave. I wanted to open my mouth to say something, something that would please her and maybe cause her to look at me in a romantic way as well, but I could think of nothing. Right now, I'm really regretting my lack of practice with the female gender.

"Can I have your number?" I suddenly blurted out. My eyes widened as I slapped my hand across my mouth. I felt my face burn with embarrassment.

She froze in mid-step and I braced myself for her to turn around and tell me off or something. I realize that my mind was overreacting but I was generally very afraid right now. Afraid of her rejection.

Instead of snapping an insult or something my way, Bella did the general Bella thing, and smiled at me as she turned around. I should have known. She's way too nice to do anything like what my mind was imagining. Man, sometimes I truly do wonder if there is something mentally wrong with me. Maybe I was dropped on my head when I was a baby. Who knows?

"Uhm, so you can explain things clearer for us if we have any questions. Cause, you know, I don't think Angela or Ben will be able to dumb things down enough for us to understand." I quickly told her, covering my tracks. I really was too scared of her rejection.

I being a musician should give me some kind of way with the ladies but I felt really damn clueless right now. Maybe that's why Emmett's wife, Rosalie, was always making fun of me. I really am pathetic at times.

"Of course, Edward. I think Emmett _really_ might need help understanding the technical vocabulary anyway." She whispered to me, her voice laced with teasing notes.

She motioned for my hand and she took it in hers. I felt that pleasurable shock again and suddenly, every nerve in my body became a live wire. I wondered if she could feel it too. I knew she felt the shock since she always reacted to it, but did she feel that tingling current after it?

She produced a pen from her bag and wrote her number onto my palm. The fact that I got her number made me smile widely. Inside my head, there was a little chant going off in my head. _I got Bella's number! I got Bella's number! I got Bella's number!_

Wow, I must _really_ like her. I haven't acted this stupid and hyper since Emmett forced Jasper and I too drink all of a chocolate fountain with him and wash it down with energy drinks.

"I'll see you on Monday. Call me if there's any confusion." She said, before suddenly leaning in to my side and her lips brushed over my cheek. The feeling was heavenly and I suddenly felt my heart throb. The brushing tingle continued even after she turned and made her way to the door with a skipping Alice.

"You better write some more songs while we're gone." She yelled and then the door closed. I stood frozen in the exact spot I had been. Those tingles on my cheek were still making my heart throb in a pleasurable pressure.

"Could you be any more obvious, Eddie?! Man, you look like such a pathetic douche right now!" Emmett yelled in my ear, effectively snapping me out of my Bella stupor. I turned and smacked him hard on the head before scowling.

"Not all of us have been a man-whore like you were in high school and have the pleasure of knowing exactly how to talk to a woman, so excuse me for looking like a freaking idiot in front of the most amazing woman I've ever met!" I snapped, breathing hard by the end of it.

I went to go sit on the couch and let my head fall into my hands where I tried to control my frustration. I knew shouldn't have lashed out at Emmett like that but the truth in his words were what made me feel so angry. I did feel pathetic. I wasn't used to feeling so attached to a person. I wasn't used to _caring_. The way my heart seemed to pull, tighten, and constrict whenever I was near her made me feel so confused and stupid. I was used to having life in perspective. I was used to knowing things. I was used to being content with what I had in life and now my life was being flipped upside down because I didn't feel content unless I was with her.

I let out an agonized sigh and then I felt the couch dip as someone sat next to me.

"I'm sorry, Edward." I heard Emmett say next to me. I felt his big hand rest on my shoulder. "I shouldn't have patronized you. It just really makes me happy to see you act so smitten. If it helps any, I acted like a bigger idiot whenever I first met Rose, and look how great that turned out."

For such a silly guy, Emmett really knew how to make a guy feel better. His words did make me feel better. They gave me hope that maybe I wasn't seen as a stuttering imbecile in Bella's eyes and that maybe someday we could be a little more. What still aggravated me though was the fact that I felt so emotionally unstable whenever it came to Bella and I've only known her for about a week.

Suddenly I felt someone's presence on the other side of me and then I heard Jasper's voice.

"In addition, for what it's worth, you at least don't have to be the only one who acts smitten in front of an amazing girl. I mean, I know I've just met Alice, but I feel like I've known her my entire life. I guess I've started believing in fate." He said his words and presence doing wonders to my tension as it slowly dissipated.

I let loose a huge sigh and I suddenly felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I lifted my head and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Thanks guys." I said, standing up from the couch. "Man, I feel like such a chick."

They both laughed and stood up with me. "Hey, I'm sure we can get some kind of an awesome song using those feelings though, right?" Emmett said as he opened the door to the studio.

"Yup" I said happily.

"Hey, Edward" I heard Angela call. I turned; embarrassed because I forgot she was in the room with Ben during my little breakdown.

"Yeah?"

"If it helps, Bella's already in love with your music, I'm sure it shouldn't be so hard for you to make her fall for you." She said, with a smile on her face as she spoke of her friend.

"Thanks, Angela. It really does help."

A couple hours later of writing and editing, we were recording the new Bella-inspired song.

_I need a little more luck than a little bit_

_Cause every time I get stuck, the words won't fit_

_And every time that I try, I get tongue tied_

_I need a little good luck to get me by_

_I need a little more help than a little bit_

_Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet_

_Cause every time that I try, I get tongue tied_

_I need a little good luck to get me by this time_

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**Bella's POV:**

"What?" I exclaimed irritated at the little pixie that kept sneaking me looks when she looked away from the road.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on between you and Edward?" She asked, giving me a pointed glance.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, trying to figure out what was going on in her erratic little mind.

"Don't give me that crap. You gave him your number and kissed his cheek. What is going on?" She snapped, giving me another one of those looks. Comprehension donned on me as I finally realized what she was talking about.

"You're such an idiot, Alice. Nothing is going on between Edward and me. He just asked for my number so that he could call and ask questions whenever they get confused about something." I explained.

I didn't miss the slight skeptical look she gave me, and I made sure to hide the fact that before he explained why he wanted my number, my heart went into overdrive for some unknown reason.

"Then why did you kiss his cheek?" She asked. At that question, I blushed and searched my mind for an answer. I couldn't come up with anything crafty so I told her the truth.

"I don't know. At that moment, it just seemed like something appropriate to do. It was just an impulse and I acted on it." I explained. That answer seemed to satisfy her and we went back into silence after that.

When we finally arrived in Forks, she dropped me off at my house and then drove off.

"Bella!" I heard Charlie call as I made my way up the porch steps. The door opened and he gave me a one arm hug as he ushered me inside. I dropped my stuff into my room before coming back down where Charlie was waiting on the couch with two cokes in hand.

"So what's new?" He asked, as I sat down and opened the coke he offered me. I took a long drink before clearing my throat to answer.

"Well, do you remember when I said, if I was ever to marry a guy, it would have to be a certain person?" I said, hiding my amusement as he started taking my announcement the wrong way. His eyes widened a bit and I can bet that he was probably thinking I got eloped.

"Yeah" He said, wearily drawling the word out.

"Do you remember who I said it would be?" I asked again, seeing his face turn a little purple and I was laughing on the inside.

"One of the members to your favorite band." He said. By now, his breath seemed to be a little uneven.

"Well, I got to meet all three band members this week and I will be working with them for their new album!" I exclaimed, putting the coke down and throwing my hands up in excitement.

Charlie's face quickly returned back to its normal color and he let out a huge sigh of relief. "Thank god." I heard him mutter, before he smiled.

"That's great, Bells." He said, his eyes sparkling. "Are they nice?"

"They're some of the friendliest people I've ever met, and they are so cool and down to earth. The drummer's absolutely hilarious, the guitarist is so easy to be around, and the singer and I have become good friends." I exclaimed, not giving too much information but wanting him to know how amazing this experience was to me.

"That sounds pretty cool." He said, taking a sip of his coke, and I wondered briefly why he wasn't drinking a beer instead. But then I realized I usually go grocery shopping for Charlie so his refrigerator was probably limited.

"I think I'll go to the store and stock up, anything particular you want?" I asked, standing up to get my bag which I had left on the coffee table.

"A pack of beer, please" He requested, reaching to get the remote and turn the TV on.

_I knew it. _I thought smugly as he requested beer.

I called Alice to see if she can come pick me up so we can go to the store, because I had left my truck in Seattle and I'd rather not use my dad's cruiser. She agreed and a couple minutes later, we were on the road.

"So what did Jasper say to you when we left?" I asked, remembering that when Edward was talking to me, Jasper was talking to her.

Alice suddenly blushed and she turned to look very concentrated on the road. I was instantly suspicious.

"What?" I asked, knowing that the cryptic tone in my voice would crack her. Just like I knew she would, she squirmed in her seat and glanced wearily at me.

"Fine, just quit looking at me like that!" She cried out, exasperated. I smiled and settled into my chair smugly.

"First he asked stuff like what we were going to do and stuff. Then he said he was going to miss me, and that he'd be dreaming of me, and counting the seconds until I came back." She admitted.

I stared at her with my mouth gaped open, completely and utterly shocked. I knew that there was something going on between them, but to hear that they were like _that_ was shocking.

"You don't think it's too fast to say something like that?" I asked. I almost held my breath for her answer.

"No." She whispered after a moment. "He and I...just click. There's something that feels utterly right about us."

She gave me sidelong glance and I could see how much she believed these words. "Surely you can understand. Don't tell me you don't feel anything for Edward?" She asked her voice suddenly cryptic towards me.

As soon as she said these words, a picture of Edward saying to me all those words that Jasper had said to Alice, came up in mind. I suddenly felt a warm tightening on my heart and then spread all the way to my fingertips.

"No." I said, but I doubted my own answer. I _wanted_ that image. I _wanted_ Edward to say those things with me. But most importantly I realized I wanted to _like _Edward.

I'd never had feelings for someone when I was younger, as a result to the incident. It's not like I wanted it either. Though I knew every guy was not like that one man, I still didn't want to trust them. It was understandable that I had trust issues. But now that Edward was in my life, I wanted the weird feeling I was having for him to be attraction.

"What's the doubt on your face for?" Alice asked, knowingly. I shook my head to clear it.

"I don't _like_ him, Alice, but I do admit he is different. I probably just feel differently around him because of our love of music."I explained, reassuring more myself then her.

"Sure." She said, not believing me at all.

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That night, I snuggled into bed and put my earphones into my ear, letting Edward's voice surround me. I wrapped my arms around myself and closed my eyes. A buzzing sound made me open them again. I looked to my phone which was slowly moving to fall off the counter from the vibrations force, and picked it up. I opened it to see I had a new message from an unknown number.

_Sweet Dreams. _

_-Edward_

As I read his message, I couldn't help the smile that passed over my face. It was stupid to think that someone who was wary of all people, especially men, to feel the _normal _feelings of attraction.

Still, though, when I fell asleep that night, I fell into peaceful dreams with the image of my arms and iPod, actually being Edward's arms and voice lulling me to sleep as he cradled me safely to his chest.

It was just an image, and yet I haven't felt that comfortable and at home in years.

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**Wow, that was intense! I was experiencing a major case of writer's block as I tried to figure out what to write. This was a pretty emotional and intense chapter. **

**Song that Edward sings is **_**Tongue Tied **_**by: Faber Drive**

**Edward enough was hard to write, because he knows he likes Bella, but doesn't know how to handle these new feelings. Bella, on the other hand has no clue she likes Edward, as she thinks it's pretty much impossible for her to show those types of emotion. Aren't these two an interesting pair? **


	7. Pages

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight related**

**Bella's POV:**

Two weeks have passed since that weird goodbye from the band when Alice and I were going to Forks. The meetings at the studio have slowed down a little because Asphyxiated was not the only band recording at the moment. Alice and I are currently at our dorm room sitting and doing nothing.

Since meeting the band, we have become something similar to friends though I don't really want to say that because we also still have a professional relationship.

Jasper and I have become close, though not as close as him and Alice. He's a very calming soul and I'm able to feel somewhat comfortable around him. He and I have some similarities that we love to talk about and when we don't agree on something, it's really fun to have arguments and makeshift debates with him.

Emmett is like the big brother I never had and he has since declared himself that. I'm not able to be completely comfortable around him and I always feel a little tense, but he seems to notice that, so whenever we talk, no contact really happens. I can tell it bugs him though because I can see him restraining himself to give me a big bear hug.

I want to tell him that it's fine. I'm not going to freak out if he touches me or start screaming my head off, I won't react visibly at all. But telling him that would probably lead to an explanation of some sort and these boys has already figured out too much in my opinion. Edward most of all.

I don't know what to say about Edward. He's the first person I've ever met who I almost immediately became comfortable to. I'm thinking because music makes me feel normal, and since he is the producer of said music, he makes me feel normal as well. We get along really great and there's always something to talk about with him. The latest albums coming out, the best books, and movies, the latest dumb things that have happened to us. The conversations we have our endless.

I can't deny a spark whenever I'm around Edward. There's a little electricity flow that tingles my entire body whenever I'm around him. I can tell he notices it too. Sometimes he gets this really contemplative look on his face and then he'll lightly touch my shoulder or something and then look at his fingers with curiosity. It's strange, but I understand his curiosity.

The music that the guys have been writing is amazing, as always. I've noticed a trend of more love songs though. There has been an occasional love song here and there before but Edward explained to me that Emmett was always the one to ask for one to be written for his wife, who I still have yet to meet. I kind of just assume that Emmett was the cause of the latest songs as well but the meaning of the lyrics are all about new feelings and needing something they never knew they did.

Edward was always the one to write the songs and now I'm wondering what has happened in his life and what special girl have come in it. For some reason, the thought of him with a girl upsets me. I feel this hot constricting in my chest whenever I think about it. Alice has some crazy idea about jealousy and how I like him and won't admit it, but like I said, it's a crazy thought.

"Bella?" Alice said, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I turned to look at her standing in the doorway of my dimly lit room and observed her light and happy mood. She's been like that for the whole past week. The reason why is because Jasper finally asked her out on a date and they had spent an entire night just sitting in our dorm living room and talking before it ended with a kiss. They were officially boyfriend and girlfriend. The news has yet to get to the press, thank god. We're not looking forward to that.

"The guys invited us over to their house for a little gathering they were having. Do you want to go?" She asked. I could tell she really wanted to go, seeing as she was bouncing a little bit and her body was already half turned out of the doorway just itching to run to her closet and get ready.

Unfortunately, I had to say no.

"Sorry, Alice, but I have this paper for music theory that I want to get started and I really wanted to do that tonight." I explained. I immediately felt bad when her shoulders sagged and her face fell.

"Oh." She responded.

"That doesn't mean you can't go. You baby me too much, I'll be fine, Alice. Go have fun with your rock star boyfriend." I quickly said. It annoyed me to no end when Alice tried to do something for 'my benefit.' I loved her, and I know she was only trying to look out for me, but I don't want her life being dulled down just because I've had a crappy one.

"Are you sure?" She asked, although the bounce in her step was already back and she was turning a little more out of the doorway.

"Positive." I responded with a stern nod of my head and then a quick smile.

She squealed and ran out of the room yelling, "Thank you!" I laughed to myself before pulling my laptop to me and starting on my essay. I could hear Alice rummaging around her closet for something comfortable but fashionable to wear. Twenty minutes later, she appeared in my doorway again, all shiny and primped.

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" She asked, shrugging a jacket onto her shoulders.

I honestly did want to go. Hanging out with the guys is the most fun I've had since the days Alice and I would prank Mike Newton in high school. Also, I wouldn't tell Alice, but I was dying to see if Edward's inspiration for the new songs would be there. I just felt like I should make sure this girl is good enough for him. He's an amazing guy who's really complex; he deserves someone who is just as amazing.

Also, I really didn't need to start the essay right now, but it gave me an excuse to not go. I wasn't feeling up to being surrounded by people, and I wanted time to think over these new feelings of protectiveness over Edward. They were certainly something exclusive. Something I've only ever felt for Alice and my parents. I harbored the same feelings for Emmett and Jasper but I knew that Jasper was in good hands, and Emmett talks of his wife so highly. For some reason, Edward's loneliness is striking me the hardest.

"Absolutely positive. Go have fun; I'll call you if something happens." I told her, pretending to immerse myself in writing so that she would not hesitate and leave.

"Okay. See you later," was the last thing I heard before the dorm turned silent.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I looked to the clock and saw that it was nine o'clock. My stomach suddenly let out a huge growl and reminded me that I had not eaten since breakfast. I was in no mood to cook so I decided to go out and grab a sandwich or something. Maybe after that, I'd go to a movie.

I threw my coat on and left the dorm buildings, feeling grateful that it was Friday and there was no curfew. Ten minutes later, I parked at a small diner and made my way inside. The rush of warm air and mouth watering scents hit me and I reveled in that comfortable, homely feeling before making my way to the farthest booth in the back.

"Hello, darling. What can I get you?" An elderly woman, dressed in a classic blue waitress suit, asked.

"Can I get the chicken sandwich and a coke, please?" I ordered, making it sound more like a question. I don't know why, but that's always how I ordered.

"Sure thing, honey." She gave me a warm smile and left.

I breathed in deeply and nestled into my coat and then pressed farther back into the leather seats. I looked around and noticed only a couple more people were here.

There was a group of teenagers talking and eating in the booth across the restaurant, a middle aged man reading and drinking something and a couple who seemed to be not much older than me. My gaze lingered on them.

The man seemed to be very shy and he kept messing with the glasses perched on his nose. Next to him was a beautiful woman who kept glancing at him and smiling to herself. She leaned up and gave the man a tender kiss on the side of his neck. As soon as her lips touched him, the tension left him and he smiled down at her before kissing her sweetly on her awaiting lips. He then lifted his arm and she nestled into his chest.

Watching them, I suddenly felt seeping warmth spread from my heart to my fingertips. That was love, I know it was. I had never before wanted it or even lingered on the idea of it, but now I felt myself yearning for it. I wondered what the touch of a tender kiss would feel like. I wondered what the warmth of strong arms around you felt like. I wondered what _love_ felt like.

"Here you go, sweetie. A chicken sandwich with a coke. Enjoy." The waitress said, putting the plate and glass in front of me. I quickly read her name tag.

"Thank you, Debbie." I stated quietly. She smiled again before turning and leaving.

I ate slowly and stole glances every now and then at the couple. That tugging in my chest didn't stop and I felt it strengthen with every glance at them. Suddenly, I heard the ringing of a cell phone and the peaceful euphoria going through the couple shattered. The woman hastily pulled her cell phone out and frowned at it. She shot the man an apologetic look before standing up to go take the call somewhere else. The look in the man's eyes shocked me.

He knew she was coming back, but it looked like it pained him to have her away for even a while. What shocked me was that I had seen that look before. I know I have, but _where_? The answer hit me like a ton of bricks.

Edward. I suddenly had a flashback to the first day I left the band to go home. When Edward and Jasper ran up to us, I immediately thought they wanted to sort out some business, but instead he didn't really talk about business at all, and he seemed...nervous. But the realization that shocked me was that when we were leaving, that look had flashed in his eyes. That same look that the man just had.

The though made my stomach constrict in a strange giddiness. Then another realization hit me. I like Edward. I _like _Edward.

Along with my sudden realization, a wave of extreme happiness overtook me. I found it. I found what I'd been constantly searching for after the accident. Normalcy. Sure, I _feel _normal around a select few of people but I knew that feeling was only accomplished because trust is something I knew before my life screwed up. It was a feeling that I knew how to develop. Romantic affection, however, is something I've never felt before, but I know what it is because of the descriptions I've heard about it. Romantic feelings are something I thought I wasn't capable of, yet here I am. Despite this broken past of mine, I reached a moment of normalcy.

This is amazing! I can't believe that the freak I've constantly thought myself as, doesn't actually rule my life. This is great! I wanted to yell it to the rooftops that I like Edward Mason.

_Wait! What am I thinking?!?!_

Sure, the feeling of a romantic tie and normalcy is exhilarating, but out of all the guys in the world, why did I have to fall for Edward Mason?! He can have any girl he wants and even the best out there don't deserve enough for his heart. There's no way he could ever feel for me what I feel for him. I'm sure that _look _I thought he gave me was just my imagination.

A new emotion began to coldly trickle and spread within me. I've heard and seen this emotion portrayed so many times that I immediately knew what it was. Heartbreak. _I'm an idiot._ I thought sadly.

Just then, the woman came back to the man with the glasses and quickly said something. Her eyes were wild with excitement and as soon as she finished speaking, the man jumped up in happiness, grabbing her and twirling her lovingly. They quickly threw more than enough money to cover their meal, on the table, and rushed out the door.

Without having something to distract me, the cold paranoia returned, causing me to pay for my meal and walk out of the diner into the fresh night air. Not having felt the calming breeze of a silent night in a long time, I decided to walk around the town square instead of returning to my truck.

Flashes and yelling caught my attention but when I looked up to see what was going on, the loud mob of flashes disappeared around the corner of a building. _Weird._ I mused. I looked down at my feet for a total of six seconds while walking before suddenly bumping into someone. I looked up, startled, and met the angry brown eyes of a man with a camera around his neck. Before I could mumble an apology, the man's eyes went wide and flashed with recognition.

"Isabella Swan!" He yelled. Confused, shocked, and scared that he knew my name; I was unable to register the fact that more people with cameras were surrounding me.

"Isabella, can you tell us anything about Asphyxiated's new album?" One of them yelled.

_Oh, so the band is what they're after. What a bunch of leeches._

"Isabella, is true that you are in a romantic relationship with either Edward Mason or Jasper Whitlock?" Another yelled.

_How do they come up with this stuff?_

Questions were being thrown around at me and the heavy void in my chest filled with a rush of icy paranoia. I didn't know any of these people. Who knew what they were capable of?

Very thankful for the constant shot of adrenaline that was always present; I shoved my way out of the crowd and ran in the first empty direction. I should have known that running would not shake off the paparazzi though. They simply ran behind me.

A fear that I hadn't felt in fourteen years ran through me, and my mind was sending me flashes that were pushing me faster. I didn't want to look back. I was afraid that if I looked back, I would not see a frenzied crowd, but instead I would see _him. _The image of him chasing me sent another rush of fear through me.

As I turned a corner, I was suddenly grabbed by a strong hand and was pulled into a dark alley. I was thrown against the wall and a hand clamped over my mouth. As soon as I felt the unknown person's body press me against the wall, I was no longer being chased by the paparazzi, but I began to relive an unwanted memory of long ago.

I let out a muffled scream that I knew no one could hear.

**Edward's POV:**

"That's cool." I said monotonously.

_I am going to kill Carlisle._ I thought murderously.

He thought it'd be a great idea to invite one of the nurses that worked at the hospital with him so that we could meet. This girl could give Tanya Denali a run for her money.

Don't get me wrong, I'm probably being too hard on model Tanya and Nurse Casey. They really do actually have brains and don't say 'like' every other word, but I have _no _interest in them so I make them seem a little horrible.

My uncle Carlisle had nothing to do with the rumors of Tanya and I having a relationship but I was still planning to hurt him for trying to interfere with my love life by inviting Casey.

You'd think it'd be my aunt Esme who would try and set me up, but it's actually mu uncle. Esme expressed that she'd like to see me with someone but she respected my decisions. Carlisle had his personal reasons as to why he wanted me to be with someone.

He was my mom's brother, and my parent's...death affected him just as much as it affected me. He thought it was his duty to take care of me as well as make sure that I was happy. He wanted so badly to retain that family happiness that he and I used to have, and he thought that love would do the trick. Therefore, he's always trying to get me with someone.

Casey was still talking about who knows what, and I was promptly ignoring her. I know she's a smart girl but I'm thinking she believes she needs to dumb herself down to appeal to me. How wrong she is.

I looked around to see Alice standing in the doorway of the hotel's dining room and I excused myself from Casey and rushed to go meet her.

"Where's Bella?" I asked as soon as I reached her.

"Well hello to you too, Edward. I'm absolutely fine, thanks. No need to concern yourself about my well being." She mocked as she took off her jacket.

Alice made it blatantly clear that she knew about my crush on Bella, and she absolutely loved to tease me about it.

"I'll leave the concern to your boyfriend, who is over at the bar, by the way. Anyways, answer the question. Where is she?" I told her, smiling crookedly as she laughed at my almost desperate antics.

"Sorry to say this, but she stayed home. She had work to do and decided to take a rain check." She told me, giving me a sad shrug of the shoulders before going off to find Jasper.

My smile fell and I sighed at the thought of not seeing Bella tonight. Today was Friday and I hadn't seen her since Monday, which had made me anxious for tonight all week.

_I guess I'll just have to wait for tomorrow to see her when we go to the studio._

Without telling anyone, I left the party and used the elevator to get up to the band's apartment floor that we owned. Instead of going into my room, I headed into Emmett's and sat on his bed. His room was a lot more fun and exciting than mine and it lessened the sadness in me.

I was really hoping to see Bella tonight. I've texted her a few times, but nothing could match the feeling of being next to her. This was way bigger than a crush. This was obsession. I _needed_ her. She was like a drug addiction, like my personal brand of heroin.

I still lay wide awake at night, conflicted at the thought of how strongly I was pulled to her despite how little I knew about her. Who knows though? It could be some kind of freaky kindred spirit attraction kind of thing. Maybe it was time to start believing in things like _fate _and_ destiny._

_That sounds incredibly corny, huh?_

An annoying ringing brought me out of my thoughts and I answered my phone without even checking who it was.

"Hello?"

"Hey, where'd you go?" Emmett asked.

"I came back up to our floor. It was boring down there." I said. No reason to tell him the truth.

"Sure." He said, drawing out the word. "And your little departure has nothing to do with a certain brunette not showing up?" He teased.

I was about to respond when I heard the phone being snatched away from him.

"A certain brunette? You _like _someone? You're not gay?" Rosalie asked, almost incredulous.

I didn't know whether to laugh or yell. That's Rosalie for you. She's rude and mean, but it's not like she means to be. She's just very blunt, and gets straight to the point. She's kind of like that cliché friend you have in high school who isn't exactly mean, but because they're so intimidating, they come off that way. I remember when Emmett first met her; he was both infatuated and scared of her. The whole exchange was actually pretty funny.

"Rosalie, I'm not gay. Yes, I like someone, and no, you cannot interfere or tell Carlisle." I told her firmly.

"Come on! This something that should be recorded in history books and you're telling me that you're not going to let me help you out! That is cruel, Edward. Tell me something about her! I bet she's amazing if she caught your attention. She's probably really smart and loves music, huh? How old is she? Is she a college student? How did you meet her? What's her name? Tell me something, Edward!"

Before she could continue her endless rambling, I hung up on her. I'd probably receive hell for that later. Who knew that my liking someone could provoke such a weird reaction out of Rosalie? She almost reminded me of Alice there, for a whole second.

Being the only one on the floor, I wandered around aimlessly, trying to find something to occupy my mind. After an hour of snooping around Emmett and Jasper's rooms, and an hour of playing video games, I decided it'd be best to go out for a drive.

As soon as I slid into my Volvo, I realized I had no clue where to go. _Maybe I should drive to the University and see if I can find a certain someone._ I thought. _No way, I'd seem like a stalker._

Without knowing my destination spot, I drove out of the building's garage and turned left. I failed to notice that the group of photographers and reporters waiting outside the building, trying to catch a glimpse of the private party, had noticed me. Five minutes later, when I parked in the city square, I finally noticed the crowd that had followed me.

_Not again. _I thought. I've had my fair share of encounters with the paparazzi, and trust me, I don't enjoy it. I quickly ducked around the corner of a building, but they had already seen me and were following me. I ran into a dark alley and waited, hiding behind large garbage cans. Seconds later, I heard the mob running by; trying to find out where I had went.

I waited a couple more minutes, to make sure that I was in the clear, when I heard a yell.

"Isabella Swan!"

I froze. What was there business with Bella? I shuffled over to the mouth of the alleyway and peeked out to see Bella frozen; looking scared to death, before dodging the crowd and running.

_Damn it!_ I yelled in my head. They had no reason to harass Bella. Seeing that she was running in my direction, I got ready to grab her as soon as she turned the corner, so that hopefully, I could get her away from the paparazzi, or if we were both found, I could at least shield her from the questions.

She turned the corner, and I quickly shot out, and grabbed her waist, before pulling her to me in the alley. Thankful that she had gotten a good head start, I was able to pull her deeper into the darkness before the crowd rounded the corner. Bella began panicking in my arms, so I put my hand over her mouth and pressed her into the wall so she wouldn't blow our location.

I wasn't ready for her reaction.

She started kicking and writhing in my grip and I felt a rush of hot air on my palm as she let out a scream, muffled by my hand.

"Bella, it's just me!" I whispered urgently, trying to calm her down. At the mouth of the alleyway, I could hear the paparazzi running past.

Bella continued to kick, and jerk, trying desperately to get out of my hold. As soon as I heard that the crowd had left, I let her go. She pushed me away roughly, and the force pushed me back to the opposite wall and I hit my head hard.

"Bella!" I almost shouted. The shock caused me to look up at her, and I finally noticed how _terrified_ she looked.

My heart froze as I saw the wild look in her eyes, as if her mind wasn't really _here _at all. As soon as she heard my voice, her eyes snapped up and met mine. Slowly, they dimmed down to the normal brown eyes I was used to seeing, and her breathing slowed.

"I'm sorry." I said immediately, knowing I had done something to make her react and freak out. As soon as the words left my mouth, sadness overtook her eyes, and she looked defeated.

"Edward? What are you doing here?" She asked, her voice sounding raw from her earlier silent screams.

"You weren't at the party...I figured I'd....come see you." I said hesitantly. My hands were up in front of my chest, palms facing her.

She wasn't frightened anymore, but the intense sadness swimming in her doe-like eyes made her seem so vulnerable. So haunted. So _broken_.

"I didn't mean to scare you or anything." I said. I might as well have been talking to a statue. She did nothing but stare blankly. "I saw you running. I just thought I'd help you get away from the leeches.

As soon as I finished speaking, her eyes became guarded again, giving me no hint to what she was feeling.

"Oh yeah." She laughed lightly. "Thanks." She finished, smiling at me.

_What the hell?_

"I should probably get going. Thanks for the help." She said, with a full blown smile that made her natural beauty stand out, making it seem like she had not just had a weird panic attack.

My heart tightened then crumbled as I processed this information. As I figured out what was going on, my heart broke. It wasn't the fact that she couldn't trust me with the truth. It was the fact that she went from being completely _petrified_ to smiling like she was on top of the world. It was the fact that the change had been done so easily with such believable outcomes, that it was obvious she'd had a lot of practice. It was the fact that her entire life, she'd been hiding, isolating her emotions and never letting anyone in. And it was the fact that if I hadn't been there to witness the sudden change, even _I _would have believed her.

She was good at hiding, and now she was hiding from me.

"Wait! Bella, are you sure you're alright?!" I called after her, sprinting to catch up as she climbed into her truck.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She said, smiling sweetly.

I stared at her, trying desperately to find some hint that she was _not_ fine. There was nothing. No worry lines on her face, no dim in her eyes, no waver in her voice. Nothing. All I wanted to do was yell out, "You're not fine!", but I knew my frustration would scare her.

"Bella, please tell me what's-"

"I got to go. I'll talk to you tomorrow." She told me quickly.

I stood in the middle of the sidewalk, shocked, and watched her drive away.

I wanted so badly for Bella to tell me everything. I wanted her to drop all her guards and just let me in. I wanted her to stop hiding. But she wouldn't. Even I knew that.

She's gotten so good at pretending she's fine, that nothing's wrong with her, that she wants nothing more in life; but I can tell that deep inside she's dying to let it all out. She's dying to scream and get mad. She's dying to defeat that feeling of being broken and different.

But hiding her frustration is only going to break her more. Because no one can hear a silent scream.

_You can see that this broken soul is bleeding_

_So you can see your feelings inside yourself _

_And wander through myself_

_Letting you see through me_

_Now only consumes me_

_Forget your pain, watch me fall apart_

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**I am SO sorry I've been gone for so long! I had summer assignments to do, and now that the craziness of school starting is gone, I'll be able to update regularly like before. **

**Quick recap if you're confused: ****Bella freaked out when Edward grabbed her, and immediately thought back to the trauma that happened to her when she was six years old (which will be revealed eventually). Because she feels a little unworthy to Edward, the fact that she freaked out when he grabbed her, saddens her even more that she can't be **_**normal.**_** She quickly pretends that everything is all right, which frustrates Edward, because he doesn't want her to hide from him.**

**Song is **_**Pages **_**by: 3 Doors Down. Took me ****forever**** to find a song to fit the chapter and just when I was about to settle for something kinda fitting, **_**boom**_**, the perfect song! Lol**

**~vampire-legend**


	8. Find Me

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight related.**

**Edward's POV:**

I couldn't sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, all I saw was Bella's emotionless face that she had purposely wore to hide herself from me. I needed to do _something._ Anything to get rid of that tight throbbing in my chest that always came whenever I thought about her.

I knew I couldn't forget about her though. She was too amazing in my eyes for me to forget about her, even for a second. I never knew how much I could _need _someone until she came into my life. I've lived my whole life scoffing at the idea of romance, and love, whenever it was brought up to me. I didn't think something like that was meant for me, and I was positive I could never feel like that. But I could. Without her next to me, I just didn't feel _whole._

Sighing, I got out of bed, and went to our small studio, and began to write a song.

**Bella's POV:**

I'm an idiot. A complete and total idiot. How could I think for even one second that I could be "normal" and restore my old way of life? I was fine for a couple minutes and then I just _had _to go and have some random freak attack on Edward.

I was scared.

I mean, sure, I was scared when Edward had grabbed me out of nowhere, hence the panic attack, but that wasn't what scared me the most. For the first time ever, I felt exposed. I've always been able to count on my ability to smile and make believe that I was fine. That I wasn't just the weird kid with a broken past to pity. I've always had the security of knowing that no one could tell what I was really thinking. I could always count on being able to hide from the world.

Now I can't. Edward knows. I could tell that he had figured me out. I was so scared of him asking me questions, that I had laid it on thick. The smiling, laughing, and talking casually. I was so panicked that he would become suspicious of me that I made the mistake of putting on my facade so fast, that anyone could tell that something was wrong. And now, Edward could tell that every time I said I was fine, I was lying.

To put it lightly, it scared the shit out of me.

Now, I'm driving with Alice to go meet the band at the studio to continue recording. Today would be the last day of recording before we went into the editing stages of their album. Alice was next to me, chatting happily about Jasper, as always. She may be amazing, and my best friend, but even she couldn't tell that something was wrong with me. Just like Charlie and Renee couldn't tell that the incident that happened when I was six affected my life so much now, that I didn't know what it felt like to live as easily as other people. I counted on suffocating that side of me so much, that sometimes, even I believed the lie.

Let me tell you though, it's pretty awkward and scary to be on your way to meet up with the only person who _can _tell when you're lying. Said person also happens to be the only guy you're able to have a crush on.

_Man, I live a pretty messed up life. They should make movies out of it._

"You have your stuff?" I asked Alice as I stepped out of her car.

"Yup" She said happily, swinging a bag over her shoulder which held her sketch book, so she could get some work done.

As soon as I walked in to the studio, my eyes flew to Edward, who was standing in the corner, staring at me. I smiled. He didn't react. My smile fell quickly and I moved to greet everyone else. Edward continued to stare at me as if I was some kind of emotional time and he was just waiting for me to explode. It was strange. I was having some kind of intense lock down with Edward while everyone else noticed nothing, only seeing what they expected to see.

"So, what's the plan?" I asked.

"We got one song that Edward believes we just absolutely _have _to have on the new album, so we'll record that, and then we can talk about editing. I'm not going to lie, the song is awesome, but Edward woke us up too damn early just so we could have it finished before we came here." Emmett said, rolling his eyes at Edward who smiled a bit in response, though his eyes only flickered off me for a moment.

"Perfect." Ben said, sitting down next to Angela at the music console. I took my spot next to them and the band set up in the studio.

The guitars began in a slow and steady rhythm, before Edward began in a low, smooth voice.

_So many nights trying to hide it,_

_But now I stay awake just pleading more._

_To think this heart was divided, _

_I'm losing sleep, because I can't ignore,_

_Feeling your touch all around._

_Peacefully hearing the sound_

_Of silence around us._

_I'm so glad we found us this way._

_Yeah._

His eyes didn't leave me, and I became aware of that electricity flowing through me again. A light of hope was igniting in me, spreading through my veins like wild fire, burning down my insecurities and fears until I only felt that connection between us. It seemed like he was singing to me, and as silly as it was, for a whole second, I recited words in my head that I wish were his thoughts. I wished that he reciprocated at least a little bit of the feelings I felt for him.

_Find me, _

_Here in your arms,_

_Now I'm wondering where you've always been._

_And blindly,_

_I came to you, knowing you'd breathe new life from within._

As much as I wished, I knew that it wasn't me that he wrote this song for. That tiny little fact _killed_ me. He was singing this to someone who was as amazing as he was, and deserved every bit of him. He was dedicating this song to someone who could love him fully without worrying if they were going to flip out on him. He was writing his heart out to someone who wouldn't hide from him. Someone who wasn't me.

_I can't get enough of you. Oh._

_I want to be where you are._

_In times of need, I just want you to stay._

_I leave a note on your car,_

_When I can't find the right words to say._

_Hearing you're voice around._

_The last place we're going is down._

_I'll gladly follow,_

_Knowing you're leading the way._

An image began to form in my head. Edward, running into the arms of a beautiful lady, before he spun her around and kissed her. I felt sick. I couldn't breathe, yet I continued the image throughout the song. He would lay in bed with her, singing her a song that he just wrote for her. He would fall asleep with her, cradling her in his arms, humming in her ear. Then, eventually, the day would come when they would settle down, get married, and have kids. They would be happy, and he would forget he ever met me.

"Are you alright" Someone asked. I opened my eyes to meet Edward's who I realized was the one who asked me the question.

I couldn't take it. Everything just felt like it was crashing down on me. I couldn't bear to think of Edward with someone who was not me. I couldn't bear losing that feeling of normalcy he gave me. But most of all, I couldn't bear losing him. But I was pushing him away. I _would_ lose him if I continued hiding from him, but what other choice did I have?

"I'm fine. I just feel a little queasy; I'm going to step out for some air." I said, managing to cover up my anxiety. Everyone's concern flew elsewhere, but Edward's didn't

I bolted out the door and didn't stop until I felt the cold air hit my face. I got the sudden urge to scream. I wonder how good it would feel to scream and let out all my frustration to the world.

I looked up and saw a little girl walking with her mom, smiling and obviously having a great time in the happy little world she lived in. I envied that little girl. Her naïve-ness at the cruel world was something I wish I had. I wish I didn't have to be hyper aware of everyone around me, all the time. I wish I had someone to protect me from the world; to come and play hero for me. I wish I could have that childhood innocence she has that seemed to be robbed from me.

"Bella?"

I froze. Of course Edward would follow me. He was just that kind of guy.

"Are you okay?" He asked. His voice was slow and deliberate, making it clear that he would know if I was lying. I turned and met his blazing green eyes.

I kind of snapped.

"What do you want me to say, Edward?! I know that you know about me! Quit waiting around for me to blow up! Quit asking me if I'm okay! You already know that I am _not_ okay!"

I shouldn't have yelled at him, but it felt so liberating. My frustration and anger left me and I felt _amazing_. Until I realized I was picking on the wrong man.

"I'm sorry." I said immediately. I looked away and prepared myself to walk back into the studio and pretend I didn't just have an emotional blow up.

"Don't." I heard him whisper.

The next thing I knew, his hand slowly encircled my wrist, as to not scare me. That pleasurable electricity flew through me and the tingling warmth overtook me. Slowly, Edward pulled me back and turned to move in front of me, blocking my exits but not making me feel trapped at all.

"Please, don't do that." He whispered. "You don't always have to hide or pretend. I don't want you to lie to me."

His voice sounded sweeter and soother than ever. The sound of it made my stomach tighten in a way I'd never felt before.

"Edward." His name fell from my lips and the electricity heightened, creating an invisible wall around us, tricking me into believing that we were the only two people in the world.

"Just talk to me, Bella. I know that something bad has happened to you, but you can't always close yourself off." The gentle way he said my name, as if the sound of it was the sweetest thing ever to him, absolutely melted me.

"What else can I do?" A voice that sounded a lot like mine, said.

I couldn't help what I was saying. I'd never felt such warmth before. I'd never felt that tingling pleasure that was rocking and streaming through my body before, and I was defenseless.

"I don't want to be the girl that people pity and feel sorry for. I don't want to be some charity case." I began." Especially to you."

There it was. The little hint that told him he meant more to me, than anyone else. I was scared to death what he would make of it. I looked up, ready to face rejection. Instead, I was met with sparkling green eyes, so intense that they seemed to look right into my soul, picking apart my defenses until he only knew the truth.

"You're not some pity party to me, Bella. I don't know what happened that would make you think so, but I can guarantee you, that to me, you're not a charity case. You're so much more."

**Edward's POV:**

It was a pull. A pull so strong that it hurt me, physically, to ignore it.

So I gave in.

Her whole body tensed as I leaned forward and brushed my lips to hers. When she didn't respond, I pulled back and opened my eyes to gouge her response. Her eyes were sparkling and full of life.

"Can you try that again?" She asked her voice barely above a whisper.

Shocked, but willing, I leaned forward again and touched her lips with mine. Two seconds later, her lips tentatively moved and pulled back slowly, before sensuously returning. Seeing that she wasn't objecting or pulling away, I began to move mine against hers as well.

I never expected a kiss to feel so good. I never felt desire or want for someone, but suddenly, I met Bella and those feelings were roused, enveloping me and filling me to the brim.

Her lips were so warm, and soft, moving so slowly and tortuously, yet I couldn't get enough. I kept my hands in check, making sure that I didn't give into the urge to place them on her waist. I didn't want to scare her.

As I slowly drew my lips from hers, I became aware of our shallow, quick gasps, and I immediately drew in a deep breath. Then I chuckled a bit, which made Bella look at me.

"You've rendered me breathless." I explained, laughing at my corniness. A laugh spilled from Bella as well and her eyes sparkled with happiness. I felt a surge of pride run through me. _I_ made her feel like that.

"So," I started. "Does this mean you like me too?"

I knew it was a silly and lame question, but I couldn't help myself. I just felt so _happy. _Bella laughed along, and she took a tiny step back so she could catch her breath.

"Yes, I like you too." She answered.

We were dead quiet for three seconds before we burst out laughing. "Oh my gosh, that sounds so lame." She exclaimed, and we laughed together, forgetting the situation and only having fun. When we controlled our snickers, she glanced up at me from under her eye lashes and I slowly leaned in again. This time, she met me half way.

My lips pressed harder against hers, and slowly, I felt the tingling electricity from her fingertips drag up my arms. I literally felt mu muscles twitch and react to her touch as she caressed them. I had to busy my lips on hers to hold back a moan.

As her hands locked around my neck and our kiss slowed, I made a snap decision.

"Will you go on a date with me tomorrow afternoon?" I whispered. I opened my eyes to measure her reaction and was met with shock. Hen, a smile returned to her face.

**Bella's POV:**

"Depends. Where would a rock star take a girl like me?"

My face was starting to hurt from smiling so much. When Edward first kissed me, I tensed from shock and apprehension. Shock, because Edward Mason was freaking kissing me. Mr. Big shot rock star was kissing _me._ Then came the apprehension. I was expecting a freak out session. Imagine my surprise when all I felt was pure, warming pleasure. It was single-handedly the best experience in my life. There should have been fireworks going off and people cheering madly around us. It was _that _amazing.

"I don't know. Depends if you're ready for the public." Edward answered, looking a little wary.

That's when it finally hit me. _Oh my gosh, I just made out with a famous rock star! Oh, my mother would be proud._

"I'd rather not deal with that yet." I told him. Knew it was inevitable. Eventually, some tabloid would catch wind that Alice and I weren't being completely professional with the band. I could imagine the stories they'd make up now. Strangely though, Edward seemed completely worth it.

"Well then, we could always just order a pizza, hang out here, and light some candles." He joked. After some laughs, he finished seriously. "I'll figure something about."

"Bella? Edward?" Ben's voice called. We stepped away from each other before he opened the door.

"Hey, there you guys are. Bella, we're getting ready to go over some acoustics. Care to join us?"

"Coming" I answered. I turned to follow Ben inside, but Edward wrapped his hand around my wrist again. "We got a little distracted earlier, but I really am wondering if you're alright. I know that...something once happened to you to make you uncomfortable around people, but I really do want you to trust me enough to let me comfort you when you need it. You don't have to tell me anything, if you don't want to."

My heart clenched at his words. He was offering me something no one ever had. He wasn't trying to send me to therapy or get me to spill my guts. He was just offering me comfort.

"Edward, right now, I feel better than I've ever have. I trust you enough to be comfortable with you. You have no idea how incredible that is. Now as far as _receiving_ comfort from you..." I trailed off and stepped forward and kissed him lightly. "This is more than enough."

His eyes fluttered open from when they had closed when I kissed him, and he stared at me intently. He then smiled, almost smugly, as if he was proud of himself.

"Okay." With that said he put his hands on my shoulders and led me inside.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Is it just me, or so you seem more...._glowy_ then usual?" Alice asked as we drove home. I almost laughed out loud. I could only imagine that my face had an idiotic smile plastered on that did not seem to go away.

"It's Saturday. I'm ready to kick back and relax." I lied smoothly. She fell for it, agreeing, and began to talk about a hot bath she was craving.

If she only knew the real reason why I was so happy, I'm sure she'd tear me limb from limb for details.

My phone buzzed and I pulled it out of my pocket to read.

_How about dinner? _

_Your place or mine?_

_-Edward_

I bit my lip to hold in my laughter. I didn't even really know why I was laughing, but I was.

_Yours. I'd rather Alice not be present. =)_

_-Bella_

"Who are you talking to?" Alice asked.

"Angela, we're setting up a schedule to do the editing." I lied.

"Okay. Anyway, do you want to go rent a movie so we can just chill out today?" She asked. My phone buzzed again.

"Uhm," I started as I read the text, prolonging my answer.

_Okay. Six PM good?_

_-Edward_

"Yeah. Just to let you know though, I'm meeting Angela at six tomorrow." I lied again. I loved Alice to death but I was not looking forward to telling her about something that wasn't definite, just to have her make a big deal out of it.

_Perfect_

_-Bella_

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Song is **_**Find Me **_**by: Boyce Avenue. Thank you **_**jules96**_ **for recommending that song. I know you wanted it for when they first met, but I thought it'd fit much better in this chapter.**

**Goodness me, i'm tired! So, anyone know what they're going to be for Halloween this year? lol**

**~vampire-legend**


	9. Remedy For Love

**So most of you chose option B, of the author's note I left, so here's the next chapter**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight related.**

**Bella's POV:**

_I took a deep breath before I lifted my hand and knocked on the door. It opened a full three seconds later, and I sucked in a startled breath as I stared at the gorgeous rock star in front of me._

_I've been so used to seeing him in t-shirts, and jeans that I didn't expect anything different. He was wearing a gray collared button up shirt, but he had rolled the sleeves up to his elbows and the shirt was open to reveal the white v-neck underneath it. His jeans were darker and stiffer, and clung to the muscles of his legs nicely. _

_I smiled nervously as he stared at me for a second then smiled crookedly. "I was scared you'd ditch out on me." He confessed, his cheeks turning a little pink. I smiled automatically in response._

"_Come on in." He gestured, moving to the side to let me in._

"Ahhh!" I screamed as I felt the tiny body jump on top of me, jolting me awake. I quickly sat up and whatever had jumped on me rolled off.

I heard a "Whoa!" Then there was a low thump as the person's body fell on the floor. "Ouch." A voice muttered.

I knew that voice. Oops.

"Oh my gosh, Alice! I'm so sorry!" I spoke frantically, scrambling to get out of my bed.

She lifted her pale arm and gave me a thumb's up.

"I'll be fine. I'm just waiting for my head to quit spinning." She groaned. I winced.

"I'm so sorry, you just scared me when you jumped on me like that and-"

"It's fine." She interrupted. She lifted her head off the floor to give me a sheepish smile. "I knew that I shouldn't have jumped on you, I just really needed you to hurry and wake up. You have a class in ten minutes and you forgot to set your alarm."

"Oh crap, your right!" The next couple of minutes was a blur of Alice helping me get ready so that I could get to class on time. I made it to class right as the professor was taking attendance, and he had yet to get to my name. _Thank you, Alice!_

Because I was more involved with musical engineering than the other students, and I had experience, I was ahead of the rest of the students, so I got bored often in this class. Everything the teacher said, I could teach myself. I was in the middle of losing myself to a daydream starring Edward, when I felt my phone buzz in my back pocket. The professor never looked my way so I took it out.

***New Text Message From Edward***

I automatically smiled and my heart fluttered a bit. It's been two weeks since my date with Edward in his apartment. The most wonderful two weeks of my life. It's hard to believe that I only met him four weeks ago. Edward made me feel alive in ways that I thought I would never be able to experience.

When he looked my way, his shining eyes seemed to engulf me in their endless depths and a congenial warmth tingled my chest. When we were close together (which was often) he would delicately run his fingers lightly over mine, before turning our hands to meet palm to palm, and then he would sweetly intertwine our fingers and smile crookedly at me. His kisses were an euphoria that I had never known. The maddening heat that radiated from his smooth, soft lips drove me wild every time they touched mine.

But what I crave the most when I'm with him, is to feel his arms around me. I love the feeling of his strong arms around me.

_Flashback__:_

"_That was delicious, Edward. Did you seriously make that by yourself?" I asked as I finished eating the mushroom ravioli._

"_No, I lied. I just wanted to impress you a little bit." He said, finishing up himself. He smiled impishly at me, and I couldn't help but smile back._

"_It doesn't take much to impress me, Edward. Just put something shiny in front of me." I offered, giving him a guilty smile. He chuckled and leaned back into his chair._

"_Why do you think I set this up outside? While your busy being distracted by the shiny moon, I can __work on trying to woo you over." He winked, then gave me the smile that made all of his fans fall in love with him._

_I blushed and looked down. The sparkling intensity of his eyes didn't intimidate me and make me feel paranoid like everyone else does, but they did make the butterflies in my stomach fly around more than they already were._

"_You don't find this too cheesy, do you?" He suddenly asked. I looked up and met his apprehensive eyes, that almost seemed embarrassed now. _

"_I thought it would be kind of romantic." He continued. "But Emmett kept making fun of me and-"_

"_Edward, I think it's amazing." I cut in, effectively stopping his rambling. Relief filled his eyes and he looked down at the ground sheepishly._

"_Sorry. I don't have much experience in the dating area." He admitted._

_That's gotta be a lie._

_I gave Edward a skeptical look and he nodded again, looking even more embarrassed. _

"_I've never had much experience with girls. In middle school, I was too awkward and geeky for anyone to like me. Then in high school, I simply had no interest in them. You have no idea how many times Emmett suggested I might be gay. It annoyed the hell out of me." He admitted._

"_Really?" I asked, surprised. He could have any girl he wanted, and yet, he didn't want_ any _of them?_

"_Yeah." He confirmed. "You're actually my first date ever." He admitted. _

"_And my first kiss." He muttered._

"_Now that has got to be a lie!" I said. It's impossible that a twenty-one year old man, never the less, a rock star, has gone through his life without ever kissing someone._

"_What can I say? I was raised to be a gentlemen. I'm not going to go around kissing girls unless I really like them. And no one's ever caught my attention until recently."_

_At that point, Edward looked up, and his green eyes shined bright with affection. Affection that he had for _me.

"_What's so different about me that would catch your attention?" I asked meekly. The question both tormented me and humiliated me, but I had to know. There was nothing about me that could hold Edward's attention._

"_Everything." His low, velvet voice said. I heard his footsteps coming towards me but they stopped when he was right in front of me. _

"_Bella, you have no idea how amazing you are. When I first saw you,not only did your beauty draw me in, but also your eyes. Those deep, mysterious eyes that held the story of a fascinating woman. Then I learned of your passion for music. I'd thought I'd never find someone who loved music like I did, but then I met you. You saw through my music, and knew the true meaning of what I wrote. Then I learned how incredibly selfless you are when it comes to Ben, Angela, and Alice. You could be suffering much more than I can tell, but you would still do whatever you could to make other people smile. You're passionate, humble, and absolutely amazing."_

_I couldn't breathe. His eyes were blazing, his jaw locked, and he was standing less than a foot away. I watched, mesmerized, as he took a deep breath before smiling crookedly and then offering me his hand. _

"_Will you dance with me?" He asked. _

"_There's no music." I pointed out, as I took his hand and he pulled me closer. Normally, the closeness would have been too awkward for me to take, but this wasn't awkward. This was comfort._

"_Well, I _do _make a living off of singing." He teased. I smiled automatically in response, and felt my body melt to his, giving him full control. He could hurt me right now. My guard was down. I was vulnerable. But Edward would never do anything though. He was the _good _guy._

"_Hmm." He breathed, contemplating in his mind. A smile tugged on the edge of his lips as a song came to his mind. He only smiled like that whenever he was pleased with his music choice._

Everybody wants to be loved

every once in a while

we all need someone to hold onto

just like a helpless child

_His voice was low and velvety in my ear as he sung._

Can you whisper in my ear?

Let me know it's alright.

It's been a long time coming down this road

and I know what I've been waiting for

Like a lonely highway, and I'm trying to get home

Love's been a long time coming

_His arms suddenly tightened and I felt him _everywhere. _It wasn't scary. It wasn't awkward. It was security. It was safety. It was comfort. It was heaven. It was _Edward.

_End Flashback_

I smiled at my memory and opened the text message.

**What are you up to?**

**-Edward**

I snuck a glance at the professor to confirm that he wasn't looking at me. He was rambling on about stuff I had already learned.

**Being bored in class. You?**

**-Bella**

I only had to wait a little while for his response.

**Being annoyed by Emmett and Jazz. **

**Want me to come spring you?**

**We could head over to the studio?**

**-Edward**

I had to fight with myself on the decision there. Going with Edward sounded really good right now, but I imagine him showing up at the campus would not be very good right now. The press had yet to figure out what was going on between us, and frankly, I liked it that way. They got to close for my comfort.

**No to the first, but yes to the second.**

**Meet you in ten.**

**-Bella**

After I pressed 'send' I stood up and left the classroom. The teacher didn't take notice, and besides, it was in my liberty to leave if I wanted to. Exactly ten minutes later, I was parking in front of the studio and smiling at the Volvo I saw driving in next to me.

"Hi." I said as he stepped out of the car. His lips spread into a smile and then he was in front of me.

"Hey," he breathed. Anticipation tensed my body as he leaned closer. Then his lips were on mine.

Slowly, and gently first. Tentative, and careful. When my hands touched his neck, they became more urgent. My stomach clenched as his hands found my waist. First it was from an automatic response of fear, but then his electric touch registered in my mind, and I melted in his capable hands. My lips parted, and I breathed in his familiar scent. It was sweet and mouthwatering. The pit of my stomach warmed and tingled in an unfamiliar way. Then his tongue traced my lips, and I knew we had to stop. I wanted to trust myself enough to believe that I could handle it, but I didn't want to push myself. A spazz attack would not be good right now.

I gently pushed away and detached myself from Edward.

"Sorry." He breathed. I opened my eyes to see his face glowing from that same pleasure I had just felt, but his eyes also seemed guilty.

"Don't be. I'm fine." I replied. He smiled, and took my hand, leading me inside.

He was always so patient. He knew nothing of why I acted so carefully all the time, and yet he was still willing to wait and be there for me. I don't understand what he could possibly see in me, but as selfish as it was, I didn't want to let him go. He shouldn't have to wait for me to tell him something, when I knew I would never willingly do it, but I wasn't willing to let go of the feeling of security he gave me.

Edward's phone rang, and we both jumped as we made our way to the recording room.

"Hello?" He answered. I could hear Emmett's loud voice on the other line, and I smiled at his amusing antics.

"Oh, Bella and I are at the studio." Edward answered. Emmett said something then Edward's smile fell.

"No, don't!" He began, but then looked down at his phone in disappointment as Emmett hung up.

"I wanted it to just be us, but apparently Emmett wants to invite everyone over to play a bit." He told me, scowling.

"Are you telling me that you're disappointed that you're going to have to play music? I never thought I'd see the day when Edward Mason didn't want to play." I gasped teasingly. He smirked and shook his head at me.

"Whatever." He grumbled. I laughed, and sat down at the music console.

Edward and I talked for thirty minutes straight before Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Angela, and Ben showed up.

"Hello love birds." Alice teased as she came in and saw Edward's arm wrapped around me.

I had wanted to keep my first date a secret from Alice, but in the end, I spilled everything to her so that she could help me get ready. I was fashionably retarded and I needed Alice to help me look cute but not like I was trying too hard. She succeeded, of course.

I smiled to her in response and she only giggled before Jasper took up her attention.

"Guys?" Emmet called out as he came in. My heart jumped at the serious note in his voice. Emmett was never serious.

"So our manager, Aro, has finally decided it's time for him to intervene with our work. He let us have free reign with this album, but now, we have some trouble, so he says." Edward and Jasper looked worried, and Angela, Ben, Alice, and I just stared, confused.

Emmett took a laptop out of his messenger bag that I didn't even notice he had and set it up on the music console.

_**'Asphyxiated band members romantically involved'**_, was the first thing I read. I winced as I realized what was going on. Emmett scrolled down and pictures of Jasper and Alice, and Edward and I popped up.

"What's the problem?" Jasper said. We turned to look at him and he had a stern look on his face. "We knew it would eventually happen. This doesn't affect the album or the band in anyway,"

Edward nodded next to me in agreement, and I watched as his jaw tightened in annoyance.

"That's not the problem." Emmett said gravely. He hung his head for a second before pulling out his phone. He dialed a number and then put it on speaker.

"Hello all." Answered a voice with an Italian accent.

"Aro." They all acknowledged.

"So here's the thing. I have no problem with these little romances you two are having, but we got some bad publicity starting to spread, and I need you to decide on if you want to make a statement, or just try and see if this will burn out and hope it won't hurt Asphyxiated's image." He said.

"What do you mean?" Edward asked tensely.

"Google 'Isabella Swan'." He replied tersely. I tensed and my breathing became labored. _Please no._ I begged in my head. _Not now, not ever._

Emmett did as told, and the results came up, gasps going around the room, and the floor fell out from under me.

_**'Edward Mason's new girlfriend almost raped at age six'**_

"Read it." Aro's voice commanded. Jasper was the first to collect himself and stepped forward. I screamed in my head for him to not do it, but I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe.

"At age six, Isabella Swan was abducted from her house in Forks, Washington while visiting her father with her mother. Her father, Chief Charlie Swan, woke up when he heard her scream and immediately dispatched all officers in the area to find her. Reports from the night of the incident claim that 30 year old, James White, had been following Isabella for a week, before breaking into her house and taking her into the forest next to it. Isabella fought back and was able to injure White before he did any harm to her. White chased after her, and threw her against a tree to stop her from running. A struggle formed between the two, and Isabella received many injuries as she fought against White. Her father was able to quickly follow the sounds of struggle, and shot and killed White before any sexual penetration could occur.

Isabella went to the hospital and was treated for a minor concussion, several bone fractures and a broken wrist. Since then, Isabella had been attending regular appointments to many psychiatrists to treat her paranoia and trust issues against people. Isabella, now age twenty, attends the University of Washington while working at the Full Sound Recording Studio in Seattle, where she works with the band, Asphyxiated, which is where she met lead singer, Edward Mason."

The world was spinning. Colors were blurring and melting together. My breathing and heart rate were pounding in my ear and tears began to sting my eyes. I didn't dare look anywhere. They all knew now. Alice had never even completely known the truth, and now the entire world knew it. It was official. I now had no hope of ever being normal again. I would always be the girl who was almost raped when she was six. I'd always be someone to pity.

"We'll deal with it, Aro." I heard Emmett's voice say gravely.

"Bella?" I heard _his _voice say. Why did he have to sound so understanding? He was just sugar-coating the truth. He deserved better, and yet he still tried to be nice to me.

"Bella?" His voice said again, then suddenly his hand was on my shoulder. I couldn't bear to imagine how catatonic I must look right now, but suddenly something _broke_ inside of me.

"No!" I screamed. I ripped his hand off of me and threw myself against the wall, curling myself against it, trying to disappear, just wanting to not exist anymore.

The air around me was pushing against me, crushing me, suffocating me. My body clenched everywhere and suddenly a loud sob left my lips. This is what I was. A broken mess. A _disgustingly_ broken mess, who would never amount to anything.

Edward's familiar feeling of electricity began to surround me, and I couldn't take it. I didn't need to see his eyes to know that they were full of pity, just like everyone's eyes looked like when I was six. I was fragile. I was vulnerable. I would never be strong enough to handle my own life. Hiding was all I was good at, and in the end, I would always end up walking away from those who loved me. I would never be good enough for it.

"No." I sobbed again. I needed to get out of here, but I didn't want them to see me.

I stopped breathing and controlled my sobs. _Just hide. You're good at hiding. You're good at walking away._ I straightened up and felt the wall until I found the door knob.

It was silent. Dead silent. No one made a noise. No one even breathed. I kept my face hidden and opened the door, and walked out.

"Bella!" I heard again. _Just leave me alone,_ I wanted to tell him, but I couldn't find my voice.

"Don't leave." I heard him say behind me.

"What do you want?" I hoarsely whispered. I should have kept walking, but I wasn't even strong enough to do that.

"Bella, look at me." He whispered again. He was closer. I could tell. The air around was tingling in electricity.

"No." I whispered.

"Bella," he started. "I'm not saying goodbye. I'm not letting you go that easily. I've told you before that no matter what, I want to be with you. I want to be here for you, but you got to let me in."

"I'm not very good at letting people in." I replied. This was the harsh truth. I would always feel like he deserved more. Deserved better.

"What are you thinking right now, Bella? Why are you trying to run away?" His voice was doing that thing again. That thing where it seemed to caress you and make you feel like you were the most important thing to him ever. I was powerless to it.

"What do you want me to say, Edward? Here's the truth. I was almost raped when I was six. I can't trust people. I can hardly even be alone with my own father without feeling paranoid. I can't have a normal life. I refuse to be _that_ girl. I refuse to be a pity party."

His hand was reaching out. It was getting closer. I wanted to scream. I wanted to run away, but I also wanted his touch. I wanted him to tell me it would be okay. I wanted him to tell me that there was hope. That I _wasn't _a pity party.

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again." He started. His hand encircled my wrist and brought me closer. "I'll say it everyday for the rest of my life if I have to."

His arm came around my waist and he tilted my head up to look into his eyes. They were molten, and blazing. They were _loving._

"You are _not_ a pity party." He said, almost harshly. His face turned hard but remained gentle at the same time. It was mesmerizing. "You're so much more."

And then he kissed me.

_The dreams that keep me here_

_are not worth it._

_Learn to love your fears,_

_I'm sorry._

_These dreams that fall apart_

_are not worth it._

_Learn to love these years;_

_forever._

_This is your life,_

_This is your time_

_This is the only time you have to make it_

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Intense! Whoo! This is the chapter I've been waiting for! Lol**

**Song that Edward sang to Bella on their date was **_**Long Time Coming **_**by: Oliver James. The chapter song is **_**Remedy For Love **_**by: School Boy Humor.**

**So you finally figured out what happened to Bella. She wasn't raped, but it was close, which is why she has trust issues.**


	10. Song In My Head

**Disclaimer: You know what? I'm not going to say it. No, you can't make me.......wait! Don't take away the cookies! No!....fine. -sigh- I don't own anything Twilight related.**

**Edward's POV:**

"I know that this isn't really," I began, gasping out the words as I gently detached myself from Bella's sweet lips, "what you want to do right now, but I think we have to decide what we're going to do about this."

I opened my eyes to meet Bella's warm chocolate ones. They weren't closed off. They were open, vulnerable, and trustful. She trusted me. The thought made my heart soar.

"What do you mean?" She asked. I closed my eyes and sighed. I really didn't want to explain exactly what I meant. I already felt like a jerk, but like Aro said, something _had_ to be done.

This wasn't for the sake of the band. It was for Bella. If nothing was done to confirm or deny the rumors, then the paparazzi would hound her until they were satisfied.

"Uhm, what do you want to do about....the stories?" I finally said. I couldn't dare to look at her face, but I heard her sharp intake of breath and then her shaky exhale.

"Do I...I mean...what can I...uh?" She couldn't say anything. I looked up and saw the words she couldn't form in her eyes.

"If we leave this open to interpretation, the tabloids will hound you until they can get in on the story. If you release a statement, then we can avoid any trouble." I explained.

I felt horrible for having to give her the choice. Either way, she would have to face people that she didn't know. People that she couldn't trust. People that could hurt her.

I saw the fear in her eyes. I finally saw that unbelievable terror that came with her past. I couldn't even begin to imagine how difficult life would be if your was constantly on the edge. Constantly looking over your shoulder, never being able to relax from the tension of paranoia. It was a life I know I wouldn't be able to take, yet Bella was still able to continue through life putting smiles on everyone else's faces even though she would never smile for herself.

"I can't." A strangled sob came with her whispered voice. "I won't be be able to handle it. You have no idea how much I want to, but I can't."

As she tried to explain what she was trying to say, I saw how the tables were turning. She was trying to put the blame on herself, though there was no blame at all. She was making it seem as if she had done something wrong. Her voice took on a panicked pitch and she began to talk faster in desperation. It was the fear again.

"Bella, shhh. Bella, it's okay." Even though I desperately wanted to quickly sweep her in my arms, I knew I had to go slow.

Slowly, I took a step forward so she could see me move towards her in her panicked frenzy. Then I let my hand hover closely to her until I lightly touched her. I knew she could feel the electricity. There was no doubt; I could see it in the way her shoulders began to slump and her voice calmed a tiny bit. It was hardly a noticeable change, but it was there. Her hands turned and my palm met hers. Then, her hand tightened automatically and I let my arms enclose her.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to, and you don't you dare try and turn this on yourself. You did nothing wrong. If anything, I should apologize to you. Your life shouldn't have been put on display like that."

"But-" She tried to protest, but I wouldn't have it. I cut her off with a quick kiss and I felt not only her tension leave, but also mine. She had no idea of the power she had over me. I'd _never_ felt like this before. It was as if I only existed to meet _her._

"Let's go back inside." I whispered. I put my hand on the small of her back and led her back inside.

As soon as we walked in, Alice came running, gently pulling Bella away from me.

"Are you alright?" She asked anxiously. "Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry. What kind of jerks would write about your life like that? It's okay, Bella. I'll hunt them down and go all kinds of ninja on them."

I was very surprised that she hasn't even taken a breath during her whole monologue. Although she was being completely serious, I saw how Bella's eyes danced with amusement.

"I'm fine, Alice. I wouldn't want you to end up in jail, anyway." She told her. I marveled at the way she was trying to make her best friend laugh when she seemed to be the one who needed cheering up.

Alice smiled slightly, then hesitantly gave Bella a hug. Bella's eyes flashed for a second before she braced herself. Even hugging Alice must be strange on her account.

I tore my eyes away from Alice and Bella for a second, and met the watery eyes of Angela.

"Is she okay?" She mouthed to me. Before I could answer, Bella spoke.

"Angela, I'm fine. Of course, I'm shaken up, but I'm not going to have another panic attack. I'm sorry if I scared or shocked you earlier." Bella answered. Before I could reprimand Bella for trying to put some kind of blame on herself again, Angela spoke.

"Don't be." Angela answered firmly. "None of this is your fault. You never deserved to be a subject of cruel fate like that, nor is it your fault that some jerk wrote about it for an easy buck. You never deserved any of this."

Although Angela's voice held no hostility towards me, her words still cut through me. She was right. Bella deserved none of this. I was at fault for her life being put on display like that. I winced and looked over at Bella. I was being selfish. I knew Bella deserved better than me, but I couldn't even begin to think about leaving her. I couldn't imagine any kind of life without her.

"Uhm, Edward?" Jasper asker from behind me, his voice raspy with awkwardness.

"Should we go?" He asked. Emmett and him both shuffled their feet and shifted awkwardly, not knowing what to say or do.

"Let's play." I immediately suggested. Bella always relaxed around music. She lost herself in it.

I threw a quick glance behind me and saw Alice looking into Jasper's eyes, giving him a firm nod. Bella's eyes met mine and I marveled at the beautiful look in them. It was as if she knew exactly why I suggested playing and was grateful for it. Jasper, Emmett, and I made our way into the studio, and set up our instruments.

"Do you guys want to play Song In My Head?" Emmett asked.

"Sure." Jasper and I replied.

I counted off and then began to sing and play the piano. Soon Jasper joined me on the guitar, followed by Emmett with a steady beat on the drums. I soon began to lose myself in the sound of the music. My stress melted away and I looked up and met Bella's eyes. I only focused on her and I could feel the connection sparking between us. Her eyes revealed everything to me, and I've already bared my heart and soul to her more than I've done with anyone before.

Music has been my only escape from my own monsters throughout the years. It's been the only thing that understood and the only thing that I've ever been able to be truthful with.

_Don't blink, don' close your eyes,_

_but most of all don't apologize._

_It's me who's got the demons to wrestle now._

Suddenly as I began to listen to the own lyrics I had wrote, a realization and hurt ripped through me that clutched and contracted my chest. Bella believed that she was the only one with past problems in this relationship, and I had been lying to her all along by not telling her that I was also broken. I was worse than broken, I was mutilated by my ghosts in the closet. My past horrors were myself. I was a monster.

_There's a patch of blue in the stormy sky,_

_a memory of a brighter time_

_when everything was new and less watered down_

_before the summer turned to brown._

I didn't deserve to feel the warmth Bella gave me, or to receive her rare affections. I wasn't the right person to be around to protect her or to be her shoulder to cry on, or to just be the one person she could fully trust. I was so close to being in love with her, I was sure.

She looked at the world and saw the horrors in it that people everyday ignored so that they could keep themselves blissfully ignorant and oblivious. She saw the shadows of everybody's sins and secrets, and yet she could still find a way to live, laugh, and love. Even though she couldn't see herself clearly enough to make herself realize that she had every reason to be happy, she was still able to use every fiver of her being to make those around her happy. Isabella Marie Swan was beautiful, selfless, brave, honest, brilliant, witty, and so incredibly genuine. It was impossible not to love her.

So I did love her. I could admit that, but now that her ghosts seemed to be healing, it seemed as if mine were coming out with a fiery vengeance. I loved her, but I was too much of a monster to deserve to love her.

**Bella's POV:**

I felt true happiness flow through my veins and set every nerve on fire. I still had problems to deal with, but with Edward next to me, I felt like I could take on the whole world. He's been with me before I even met him. I fell in love with his music and it was the only time I was ever able to be completely vulnerable and open and yet, I could always feel completely comfortable. Now, I was lucky enough to meet Edward, and be the recipient of his devotion. He was too good to be true.

The sound of the door opening snapped me back to reality. I turned and immediately smiled when I saw Edward run a hand through his messy bronze hair. He raised his eyes and locked me in his gaze. He closed his eyes, took a breath and then suddenly I was being pulled into his arms.

"Fuck it." I heard him mummer. Warmth seeped from my chest throughout my entire body and I reveled in that feeling of protection and safety his arms gave me. His nose was pressed against my hair and neck, and I felt goosebumps rise where his breath touched.

"Get a room!" I heard Emmett tease. Edward's body shook with a chuckle and I couldn't help but laugh as well.

"Guys, I think we should all go. We didn't have a real reason to meet here anyway." Ben suggested. Angela nodded in agreement.

We all got ready to leave, but as I began to walk out the door, Edward grabbed the sleeve to my jacket.

"Do you think it'd be okay if I came back to the school with you? Alice will be heading over to our place and I'd like to be alone to talk with you about something." Edward asked. His voice held a different tone than earlier so I didn't think we would be talking about my whole personal life on display thing.

"Sure." I answered.

We said our goodbyes to everyone before Edward and I drove to the college dorms.

"I'm kind of excited to see your room." Edward teased. I laughed and parked my truck.

"I'm glad I cleaned it yesterday. Alice doesn't seem to have a problem living in a dirty room but I do." We both laughed and I looked around to see if anyone was around.

I didn't want to risk Edward getting noticed. Thankfully, no one was out.

"Here we are." I said as I opened the door.

I watched Edward's face as he looked around our dorm. It was a mix of wonder and amusement.

"I'm guessing the side with all of the pink and lace is not yours, right?" He asked, a smirk on his face.

I rolled my eyes and threw myself on top of my bed, which was dark blue cotton, the exact opposite of pink lace. I looked up at Edward through the tendrils of hair that had flown over my eyes. He looked down at me, and smiled. I patted the space next to me, and he got a mischievous glint in his eyes.

He suddenly leaned down, his arms on either side of me, before pushing himself over me and onto the other side of the bed, dragging me with him. I ended up snuggled up against his chest. I squealed at the quickness at which he had moved, and then laughed when he sighed deeply and nuzzled his face in my neck.

"This feels nice." He murmured. I could only mewl in agreement.

We stayed in that position for a full ten minutes before he suddenly tensed, and breathed deeply.

"So there was something I wanted to talk to you about." He started hesitantly. I felt myself getting anxious at the tone in his voice.

"Yeah?" He ran one hand through his hair, then sat up, bringing me up with him so that I was right next to him.

"So...earlier, when the guys and I were playing, I started thinking." He began. His face looked pained. "I mean, we wrote that song when we were in high school, and the lyrics really came from Jasper's point of view, but today....I just suddenly felt something, and I think I really need to tell you."

I stared at him warily, and I noticed that today, _he _was the one who looked undeniably vulnerable. His eyes were haunted.

"Bella, I care about you. A lot. I can't even bring myself to say how much I do. I just...I feel like I won't be able to look you straight in the eyes, until you know this."

Whatever he was trying to say was starting to scare me. He really did seem as if he couldn't look into my eyes. He looked everywhere but me.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Bella, when I was seventeen years old, my parents died in a head-on collision." He said quickly. I saw his face wince and he cringed as if the words were stabbing him.

I knew his parents were gone, but the way he said it, made me think there was more to the story. I didn't know how to respond.

Edward breathed deeply, and finally looked at me. I gasped. His eyes glistened with unshed tears, the rims were bright red. His face was contorted in heartbreak.

"I'm sorry, Edward." I whispered. I wish I could do something to make those tears go away. It hurt me to see him like this. He was always so light and happy. It was wrong to see him sad.

"Bella, you don't understand." His voice broke.

He looked so scared at what he was going to say next. His body was tense, like he was bracing himself for some intense reaction. I felt my breathing speed up as I took in his entire body. He really did look terrified. His hands were clutching the bed sheets, the skin over his knuckles taught and white. The line of muscle in his forearm was prominent and stretched so tight, that it was easy to tell that it was physically hurting.

I couldn't speak, but his tortured eyes read the confusion in mine. He took a deep, shaky breath. His eyes bore into mine.

"It was my fault. I caused their death."

The room started spinning. I couldn't breathe. What did he mean? Edward wasn't like that. He was a _good_ person. He couldn't.....kill.

I kept trying to think of something, _anything_, to say, but I couldn't. Strangled sounds of confusion fluttered from my lips.

I felt horrible, but I could feel an involuntary response of fear. I was _scared _of Edward.

He noticed me cringe, and his eyes watched my movement, as if he knew it was coming.

"What are you...." I couldn't finish. I wanted to know what he was talking about. I refused to believe that Edward could be a bad guy. He wasn't. But what if he was. I trusted him with my life. Could it be possible that that is the biggest mistake I've ever had?

"I was seventeen years old....." He started.

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**I know it's been so long! I'm sorry. Usually, I use whatever spare time I have to write, but for the past two months, I've been having to use extra time to finish reading assignments for school. Sorry! I'm also really sorry for the cliff hanger, but think about it, do you really think I would make Edward a bad guy? **

**Anyways, the song in this chapter is Song In My Head by: Sherwood. I'll try to get the next chapter updated a little bit sooner, but who knows. Chapters may be shorter so that I can get them up sooner than it would take if I were to write a twelve page chapter.**


	11. Who I Am Hates Who I've Been

**Disclaimer: I own a copy of the Twilight series but I sadly do not legally own the actual Twilight series.**

**Edward's POV:**

"I was seventeen years old..." I started.

_Flashback:_

"_Hey Edward!" My friend, David called as he ran down the hallway to meet me at my locker._

"_Yeah?" I asked, putting up my text book and shutting my locker closed._

"_Guess who just got an invite to Stacey's party tonight. Us! Stacey told me to tell you, cause I think she's got a little thing for you. Anyways, _please _tell me your going so we can go together." He seemed to excited for me to reject him._

_I didn't like to go out and party like the rest of the high school population, but lately, classes and work seemed to be stressing me out way to much. A night out might turn out to be a good night._

"_Sure." I said. I didn't even think about asking my parents. I never went out anywhere, there was no way they would be able to tell me no._

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"_No." My mom told me. _

"_What the hell? Most of the time, your practically begging me to go out and act like a normal teenager, and when I finally want to go to a party, you say no!"I yelled. This wasn't fair and she knew it. I was going to that stupid party whether she liked it or not._

"_Your father and I are going out to dinner tonight for our anniversary and we don' want to be interrupted with any calls. Not to mention, I know about the legendary parties Stacey Meadows throws, and there is no way your going. They're always held way outside city limits, and the roads will be icy and dangerous tonight." My mother stated, as if it was the most logical thing in the world._

"_I already told David I'd be there! It's not fair, and you know it. I work hard, I'm in the top five perfect at school, I never get into any trouble, the least you can do is trust me to go!" _

"_Don't try and pull that card with me, Edward! You know very well that I trust you, but there is no way your going to this party tonight! End of discussion!" She finished with a harsh tone. She had that look on her face that tells you she's no longer the nice, and cool mom, but the authoritative parental figure._

"_What is with all this yelling?" My father asks as he enters the room, probably just getting back from work._

_I do nothing but push my way past him, and slam the door shut. I was going to that stupid party whether my parents liked it or not. _

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"_Edward, we're leaving now." My mom called out through the door._

"_Go away!" I yelled as I continued fuming in my room, also randomly grabbing some clothes to wear._

"_Edward, just come say goodbye to us. Your acting childish." My father said calmly._

"_Yeah, well maybe it's about time I do something my own age. I'm to busy all the time trying to be a good child, so maybe a little disobedience would be healthy!" I yell back. I swipe a comb through my hair real quick even though I know it's useless. Once my parents are gone, I'll swing by David's house, pick him up, and then drive to the party._

_I could hear my parents sigh in frustration on the other side of the door._

"_Okay." I heard my mom say. For a split second, I felt a stab of guilt. Tonight was their anniversary and she sounded upset over our fight._

"_We love you." She croaked softly before I heard their footsteps leaving._

_They should have been able to tell I would be sneaking out. Maybe they should have taken away my car keys, but I never did anything wrong. They trusted me. I was going to break that trust now._

"_Get over it." I muttered angrily to myself. If I started thinking about it, I would end up talking myself about of going._

_I picked up my phone and dialed David._

"_Hello?" He asked after picking up on the first ring._

"_I'm on my way." I said as I closed the door to my bedroom._

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"_I'm so glad you could make it!" Stacey Meadows squealed as she ran through the crowd and practically jumped me. _

_Some might consider me a lucky guy. The most beautiful and sought after girl in our school had a crush on me. Many girls did, actually. None of them interested me, though. I mean, I was in high school. Finding love in high school was a very unlikely event in my opinion, and I refused to take out girls unless I was actually interested in them. Sure, I haven't even had a first kiss yet, but I was raised to know that things like kisses were intimate and they should only be shared with someone you actually like. I wasn't going to go and kiss some random girl when I could have the privilege of someday kissing the girl of my dreams._

"_Yeah, great-uhm party, Stacey." I said slowly as I pried her off of me. _

_As I looked around though, I saw no appeal in the scene in front of me. There was a group drinking in one corner that was already completely plastered, and there was another group in the other corner that was smoking something. In the middle of the room, there was nothing but a human tangle of sweaty and grinding bodies._

_There was definitely nothing appealing about this._

"_Thanks!" Stacey replied ecstatically before chasing after a guy who was passing out drinks._

"_Man, this is awesome!" David exclaimed next to me._

"_Right." I grunted sarcastically. He made no note of it, and ran into the next room._

_Figuring I might as well enjoy this after all the trouble I'd caused, I followed the crowd into the kitchen and picked up a drink. I began lifting the cup to my lips when a pang of guilt went through me. This was stupid. All I was doing was rebelling against my parents because I had never been told "no." _

_I put down the drink, disgusted with it, but mostly disgusted with myself. I looked out the window and saw the sun had set and it was now completely dark. A snow storm seemed to be waiting to invade and I didn't want to be stuck in this house when it finally hit._

_Without even thinking about David, I pushed myself through the stifling crowd, and left the loud music, plastered teenagers, and stupidity behind me._

_The icy wind hit my face and left me stunned for a moment. When I recovered, I ran to my car and turned on the heater as soon as I turned the key._

_I couldn't leave fast enough as I stepped on the gas and peeled out of their. No one would notice my departure._

_I should have paid attention to how fast I was going. If I had looked, I would have noticed I was going 30 miles over the speed limit. I didn't even notice that the the snow had started to fall, and the wind was howling._

_Out of nowhere, I hit a pot hole. The roads were already slightly slick, and my tires couldn't find purchase on the smooth surface._

_In a second, my car ran off the road, into the ditch parallel to it. The car began to tumble. _

_I was in complete shock, I couldn't register when my head cracked into the window next to me, or when the glass of my windshield shattered, and glass flew into my face, slicing me like butter.. My body screamed in pain, and my voice finally found itself and began to let out yelps of fear. _

_The cloth of the seatbelt dug so tightly into my neck and chest, that I began to feel the sting of a cut. My head once again cracked against the window, and sleep beckoned me as darkness began to encase me. The car finally found flat land, and it teetered before slamming down, crushing all the windows, and my lungs in the process._

_Adrenaline pumped fast in my veins and fought hard to keep me awake. I sputtered and coughed, trying to swallow down gasps of air. I had the sense to reach tentatively down, though my wrist screamed in the process. Finally, I found the click of the seatbelt, and pushed down. The ceiling of the car came rushing to meet my head in another deadly blow. Sleep once again beckoned me. My whole body folded around me, and I dragged myself out of the shattered window. In my hazy vision that was blurring and doubling, I could make out the vivid color of blood and dirt staining my hands. The shards of glass left on the ground cut into my skin, but I paid no mind to it. I had to stay awake._

_Somehow, by some miracle, I reached my phone. I thought of dialing 911, and I should have. It was the only sensible thing to do. However, my mind was preoccupied right now. I called the first number on my list._

"_Hello?" My father's voice answered, probably sounding annoyed. Sounds were melting together, becoming nothing but drones of noise._

"_Dad....I went to the....party.....I.....crashed-" I couldn't finish. Sleep was creeping over me, waiting for a second of weakness before it would envelop me, and lock me away in it's darkness forever._

_I was losing._

"_Edward! We're on our way! I'm calling 911! Just stay where you are!" His frantic voice was the last thing I heard._

_Sleep had won._

_I was lost in the hazy world between unconsciousness and being alert for what seemed like forever. When I could see the flashing lights approaching me, I let go of that last string of consciousness. _

_The paramedic's voice was the last thing I heard._

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_A ball of light was continuously moving across my face, flashing behind my closed eyelids. I tightened my eyes automatically, trying to shut myself off to complete darkness again._

"_Mr. Cullen? Are you awake?" A man's voice asked. I heard gasps of relief in the background._

_My lips were cracked and unbearably dry as I tried to answer. A straw was placed in between my lips, and I eagerly sucked up the water._

_As soon as the cold water entered my body, I felt slightly better. I opened my eyes._

_A hospital. That's where I was. A middle-aged doctor stood in front of me, holding the light that had been flashing in my eyes. I moved my line of sight, and caught the faces of my aunt Esme, and uncle Carlisle. Both looked as if they hadn't slept in days._

"_Do you remember anything? Do you know why you're here?" The man asked._

_Flashes of tumbling colors ran through my mind._

"_I....crashed." I answered._

"_Good." The man said to himself._

"_Now, can you tell me how old you are?" _

"_Seventeen." I answer._

"_What is your name, and who are your parents?"_

"_Edward Masen. My parents are Elizabeth and Edward Sr." A loud sob ripped through the room, and I looked to see Esme choke back tears and bury her head in Carlisle's shoulder. Tears shined in his eyes._

"_You are one lucky boy, Edward. After reading you report and seeing injuries to the head, I thought you might be endanger of a lethal concussion. However, you have been in a minor coma for a week and a half." The doctor looked as if he was going to continue explaining, but my uncle's hoarse voice interrupted._

"_Doctor, do you mind if we....have a personal moment with Edward?" He asked._

_Sympathy flashed in the doctor's eyes._

"_Sure." He answered before leaving the room._

_Esme continued crying and hiding her face in her hands. Carlisle walked to the edge of my bed._

_I asked what had been bugging me since I had woken up._

"_Where's mom and dad?"_

_Carlisle's face crumpled in pain. My heart froze._

"_They were driving...to come and find you.....The roads were slick...a drunk driver....lost control of his car....and hit their car.....They.....died..on impact."_

_My world began spinning. They were...gone. My parents...didn't even exist anymore. Dead. Gone._

_Hot tears stung my eyes, and I searched Carlisle's face, hoping that it was only a sick joke. But Carlisle would never joke about his younger sister._

_They were gone. I couldn't breathe. They were dead. The room was spinning. Everything was bleeding in together._

_It was my fault. I had called them, I had been speeding, I had snuck out, I had disobeyed them._

_My parents were dead and it was my fault._

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_End Flashback_

"For weeks, I was catatonic. All I could think about was how much of a monster I was. If I hadn't been a stupid, stubborn, and spoiled kid, My parents would be alive right now. I practically sent them off to their death."

**Bella's POV:**

Tears cascaded down his cheeks and splashed on the mattress beneath him. I had no idea what to do. To have a burden like that always gnawing at you was something I couldn't even imagine. I wanted to comfort Edward and say that his parent's death was not his fault. I wanted to tell him that it was the drunk driver who had killed them.

I knew, though, that Edward would not let himself believe otherwise. I could relate. Anyone could. To have something be your fault, and to wish with all your might to be able to go back in time and relive the moment differently, so that they're could be a different outcome. The guilt had to be maddening.

I did the only thing I believed I could.

I reached forward and laid my hand on top of his shoulder. He became more tense. I let my other hand wander up and ran through his hair periodically. I moved myself as close as I could to him, then just let instinct take over.

**Edward's POV:**

I swallowed down the urge to scream and reached up, catching Bella's hand. No doubt, this would be the last I would see of her.

"You have to let go of that, Edward?" I heard her voice say. "You can't keep blaming yourself. It was nothing but bad timing."

How could she believe that?

"It _is_ my fault." I started. "I didn't even want to go to that stupid party that much in the first place. I was just so used to getting what I wanted, that when they told me no, I rebelled. If I had stayed home, my parents would have gone to dinner, enjoyed their anniversary, and come back safe and sound. I was being a stupid, stubborn kid. I used to be disgusted with kids who rebelled against their parents. I could never understand why they couldn't comprehend how much their parents loved them, like mine did. That night, I turned into one of those snobs. They wouldn't be dead if it wasn't for me."

There was an unbelievably heavy pressure spreading in my chest, and I waited for Bella to leave. I should have told her the truth in the first place. She thought she was messed up. Wrong. It was me.

"I'm not leaving, Edward." I heard her say. My heart skipped a beat.

"I can understand how you see this as your fault, but do you really think your parents would want you to feel like this? Think about that drunk driver who had hit them. If he cares, don't you think that he feels the same way you do? I'm sure your parents must have felt bad themselves when they found out how upset you were about the party. You can't blame this all on yourself. It was just bad timing."

I began to shake my head. I glanced up and met her chocolate eyes.

"But if I hadn't-" She stopped me.

"I know." She stated, eyes shining. I could feel relief swell inside myself. "But it's over and done with. Beating yourself up over it isn't going to change anything. Just think about your parents. Think about your aunt and uncle. They don't want you to blame yourself. Your parents had been driving to come get you because they loved you and wanted you to be able to live your life. That's what you have to do right now, because that's what they would have wanted and you know it."

The silence around us thickened as I tried to process everything.

"You're right."

As I finally allowed myself to gaze over Bella, I felt warmth invade my entire body. It was like some corny, over hyped chick flick, but I couldn't help what I blurted out.

"I love you."

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_'cause I don't want you to know where I am  
'cause then you'll see my heart  
in the saddest state it's ever been._

_This is no place to try and live my life._

_Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.  
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.  
Stop right there. Well I never should have said  
that it's the very moment that  
I wish that I could take back. _

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**So much for me updating earlier, huh? I should stop making promises that I can't keep. =/ **

**Anyway, song in this chapter is _Who I Am Hates Who I've Been (acoustic) _by: Relient K. I went crazy for DAYS trying to find a good song for this chapter! So, this is some interesting development. All the drama is getting to me! Next couple of chapters will be a lot happier...cause then after that, it's back to the drama. **

**News! My birthday was a couple weeks ago, and I'm finally 16! …. Uhg, I hate the sound of that, makes me feel so young and naive......It fits, cause I am =D**


	12. Amaze Me

**Disclaimer: Anything Twilight related is owned by Stephenie Meyer, not me**

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**Bella's POV:**

"I'll...uhm...call you tomorrow, then?" Edward asked as we walked through the parking lot to his car.

"Of course." I answered, still looking at my feet. I heard the beep as he unlocked his car, and then the door opened.

"I'm sorry I couldn't say it back, Edward." I finally said after a minute of just standing there.

"Don't be." He said, a crooked smile in place.

"I didn't expect you to. At that moment, I just felt this overwhelming need to tell you. It was unreal to me."

I felt my heart plummet to my stomach.

"So you...didn't mean it?" I asked, my face stoic. Although, I couldn't say it back, it had felt heavenly to hear him say it.

A chuckle escaped from his lips.

"Of course I meant it." He said, voice gentle. His molten eyes were melting me. "I just meant it was unreal, as in, it was something that you thought only existed in dreams. Sounds cheesy, I know, but it was amazing."

The confident note in his voice made me light headed. He was leaning on his open car door, chin resting on his folded arms. He was the epitome of perfect. Wind blowing his hair into a sensuous mess, eyes penetrating and soulful, and he was offering everything to me.

"I'll see you later." I told him. He offered me another beautiful crooked smile before leaning over the car door and giving me a chaste kiss.

I watched as the car drove away.

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**Edward's POV:**

I stepped onto our hotel floor with the cheesiest smile ever. I knew Bella's skeletons, and she knew mine.

And I loved her.

I used to laugh at the cheesy movies that would have the couple fall hopelessly in love not even a month after knowing each other. I had thought that was ridiculous. I had thought that love was something attainable to only those who had known each other for years in advance. I thought love was nearly impossible, and only a few people could feel the true meaning of love. What I felt, _had_ to be it. It was overwhelming, and passionate, and _so_ true.

"What's with the goofy smile on your face?" Jasper asked as he came out of his room.

"Could a certain brown-haired beauty have anything to do with it?" My uncle's voice asked as he came out of Jasper's room carrying a newspaper.

His face was hard, as if he was trying to act mad, but I could see amusement and happiness in his eyes .

"Yup." I answered, then began to walk to my room. I knew my uncle would follow me for details, and if I knew my aunt Esme, then she would probably be-

"Hey, honey." She greeted, as she sat on my bed reading one of my books.

Yup, I knew she'd be there.

"Why didn't you tell us about her?" Carlisle asked as he joined my aunt on my bed.

As I've said before, Carlisle had always been more interested in my love life than I had. He had always felt that happiness in love would make up for any pain I felt over my parents. I guess he was sort of right.

"Cause I knew you would bug the hell out of me, and I also want to keep Bella to myself as long as possible." I told him with a smirk as I plopped down on my leather sofa.

"Tell us about her." Esme stated, eyes sparkling.

"She's amazing." I started, getting ready to continue for the entire night.

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**2 MONTHS LATER**

"Come on, Bella, hurry up before my aunt and uncle get here." I whispered-yelled.

Alice and Bella were officially out for summer. They had spent the night in my room, while I slept on the floor of Jasper's room. I would have love to sleep in the same bed with Bella, but I honestly didn't trust myself.

After the mushy gushy stage of first love left, it was replaced with...lust. My twenty-two old mind had finally caught up with me.

Bella, of course, had no clue of this. How appropriate would that be? Bella had a terrifying almost-sexual experience when she was younger, and I'm sure she didn't want me lusting after her.

"Coming." She said back.

Two seconds later, she emerged from my room wearing torn jeans, converse, and a blue baseball t-shirt. Beautiful. I smiled crookedly, touched her lips with mine, then grabbed her hand.

"Let's go."

I'd been dying to get her alone for a long time now. When Carlisle and Esme first met Bella, they seemed to constantly steal her from me. The studio was no help since it was just business and editing the tracks for the new album that would be released soon. There was no real chances of taking her out on a date, cause the paparazzi were going crazy over us.

Bella and I had released a statement, along with Alice and Jasper, confirming our relationships, but insisting that Bella's past was private and was not relevant to our relationship. Thankfully, they were backing off since we weren't "new" news anymore.

"Where are we going?" Bella asked. We stepped inside the elevator and pushed the button for the lobby.

"It's a surprise." I told her. She got that annoyed look in her eyes. She hated surprises.

"You'll love it." I reassured her.

"If you say so..." She replied warily, still eying me suspiciously.

"I do say so." I replied cheekily. She smirked before chuckling and fixating her eyes on the elevator door.

When it opened, I froze.

"Sneaking out?" Rosalie said, her eyes gleaming with humor and evil.

When Bella had met Rosalie for the first time, it was quite interesting. As I've said before, Rosalie is not a bitch. She is simply blunt, and intimidating. She took an instant liking to Bella, but just like the rest of her friends, she loved to embarrass and tease her even more.

A week ago, Rosalie caught on to my lustful inner-conflict. Needless to say, she's had a tremendous amount of fun hinting at it with sexual-related jokes. She was evil. A great friend, but evil.

"I'll give you twenty bucks if you don't tell anyone." I blurted out. If Emmett and Jasper found out where I was taking Bella, they would insist on coming along, and unintentionally ruin my alone time with Bella.

Bella turned to me with a confused and bemused look on her face. Rosalie beamed in amusement.

"I am Hollywood's most sought after actress who makes record-setting blockbusters, and your trying to bribe me with only twenty dollars?" She asked incredulously, raising her eyebrows.

I felt my hope, face, and more importantly, my ego deflate.

"Oh, get over yourself. I personally do not care where you guys are going, nor will I rat you out. I will however, take that twenty bucks." She finished, holding out her manicured hand.

I rolled my eyes, gave her the money, and pulled Bella out the door with me.

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**Bella's POV:**

"Where are we?" I asked.

"In the United States of America." He answered smugly, his crooked smile coming into place.

"You cheeky bastard." I muttered. That got a deep chuckle out of him, which I closed my eyes to. I was so incredibly comfortable with him that it was hard to believe I had...issues.

It was hard to believe most of the time, since Alice and I were closer now, than ever. I was getting to be really easy going around both Jasper and Emmett. I still didn't like hugs, or anything, because they seemed to intimate in my opinion (in other words, they were something I only wanted to share with Edward), but touching in general was becoming a lot easier. I no longer had a constant tense posture or continuous shots of adrenaline flooding my nerves.

There was, however, the problem about Edward's confession two months ago. It made me unbelievably happy every time he uttered those words to me, but I had no idea if I'd ever be able to reciprocate his feelings. How on earth was I supposed to know what love was?

Regardless of my confusion, the last two months have been great. I was finally introduced to the infamous Rosalie Hale (I had been a little start struck), and Carlisle and Esme. Rosalie was great, she ruthlessly teased me all the time, but I've already picked up that poking fun at people was in her nature, and it made me feel somewhat accepted to suffer her friendly, yet mortifying jokes.

"We're here!" Edward suddenly exclaimed, snapping me out of my reverie.

I turned my head, and I felt a rush of pleasurable adrenaline and excitement.

"Paint ball!" I was out of that car and in front of the entrance before Edward even took of his seatbelt.

"Excited?" He asked as he caught up with me, his signature smirk on lips.

"Shut up." I retorted. "I haven't played since I started college. Charlie's police force would always hold a family get-together at the end of every month, and surprisingly, everyone always wanted to go paint-balling."

"Does that mean your any good?" Edward asked, his eyes brightening as if the news really excited him.

I smirked, remembering how Charlie and I always won. Charlie and I weren't the closest, but we definitely had a perfect rhythm when it came to paint balling.

"I don't know. Maybe." I teased, stepping forward as the worker at the gate led us to the equipment.

Edward and I knew what to do, and were both geared up in no time. Excitement coursed through my body. Not only was I gonna be able to play my favorite game, but I was also going to get to show Edward my amazing skills. I wanted to show him I wasn't completely vulnerable and defenseless. I could take care of myself.

"Ready?" He smirked. I loved that look in his eyes. It meant he wasn't going to go easy on me. His male pride was at stake, and he wasn't going to let me crush it so easily.

Little did he know it would be all to easy for me to crush.

"Yup." I popped the P.

Sending him one last playful, yet serious glance, I ran off to my side and the game begun.

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"Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch." Edward wheezed over and over again as we walked to a concession stand at the side of the course.

I really did feel bad for hurting him, but at the same time, I could not stop giggling.

"Stop laughing." He gasped out as doubled over again. The sight of him made me burst out laughing even more.

"That's what you get! You purposely aimed at my butt! Do you know how awkward it's gonna be to have a bruise on my butt?" I retorted, as I winced as I sat down at a table.

"Not as awkward as having a bruise on my balls!" He gasped out. He sat on the table, then doubled over again. "Now I'm probably never going to have kids."

"Don't be such a baby. You underestimated me." I stuck my tongue out.

"That's true." He mumbled to himself. "Next time, we're doing teams, and we've got to play against Emmett and Jasper. I'd love to see them get their ass kicked by you."

I smiled, realizing that this unpleasant experience wasn't going to keep him from playing with me again. That made me unbelievably happy.

"I'm sorry I took a cheap-shot and bruised your buddies, Edward." I apologized. Edward chuckled then, threw his arm around my shoulder.

"You're forgiven. Now we both have awkward bruises that we'll remember forever."

An easy laugh poured out of me, and I felt a blissful, unimaginable warmth spread throughout me, burning my fingertips, and shocking every nerve ending in my body.

"Want something to drink?" Edward's velvet voice asked, pulling me out of that heavenly, overloading experience.

"Water, please." I answered. The warmth was still vibrant in my chest, and as I watched the crooked pull of Edward's smile, and then the fluid motion of his walk, it seemed to immerse my entire being. I felt like I was on a live wire, but I also felt so comfortable and relaxed as I watched him.

Feeling as if I would lose that warmth if he got to far from me, I stood up and followed him to the concession stand.

"Two waters, please." He told the worker behind the counter.

He caught my movement in his peripheral vision, and he turned and smiled again. That heat blazed in my chest again, and as he reached for my hand to pull me closer, it exploded at his touch.

I was so immersed in my confusion and immersion of the warmth that I didn't even acknowledge the fact that Edward had already received and paid for our waters, and was now pulling me back to the table.

Suddenly, two teenagers, a boy and a girl, approached us. I recognized the look on the girl's face. Star-struck. I myself had felt that feeling many times.

They were about seventeen, and the boy with medium length hair was obviously more composed, and kept casting glances at the petite brunette next to him. The look he gave her was one I'd seen many times, and yet I couldn't understand what it was.

I'd seen it on the man's face at the diner months ago when I realized I had feelings for Edward. I'd seen it on all of my friend's faces, and on Carlisle and Esme's too. I saw it on Edward's face every day.

The expression was just so happy, as if it was absolute bliss. It matched the burning feelings inside of me right now. My mind ached to understand what this feeling and what that look meant.

"You're Edward Masen!" The girl suddenly choked out. "Asphyxiated is my absolute favorite band!"

It looked as if she was struggling to talk, but her arms were flailing around enough to understand that she was a huge fan.

"Could we please get an autograph?" The boy asked for her, his eyes both pleading and amused.

"Sure." Edward answered happily. He smiled, and I could hear the girl's breath hitch. I giggled to myself, knowing the feeling of being dazzled by that smile.

As Edward conversed with the girl, the boy stepped out of the way and stood next to me.

"Sorry if we intruded on your date." He apologized. Those innocent brown eyes of his made it impossible for me to even be the slightest bit scared,

"Not at all. We were just taking a break from shooting and bruising each other." I answered.

The boy chuckled and then locked his eyes on the overjoyed girl. Edward and her were leaning into each other as her arm reached out and took a picture of them on her phone.

They shared a parting hug, then the girl grabbed the boy's hand, and they began to walk away. Edward joined me at my side, but I was still intently watching the retreating couple.

"This is the happiest day of my life!" The girl exclaimed.

"Darling, I love you, but sometimes you embarrass me." The boy replied teasingly.

At the sound of his words, the heat inside me blazed again.

_I love you._

Suddenly everything made sense. I knew what that expression and what this feeling meant. There were no second- guesses. This was the real thing.

Love. I love Edward. I'm in love with Edward Masen.

"Care for another round?" Edward asked, pointing towards the course.

_I love you._

"Of course." I replied, a smile spreading across my face.

As Edward grabbed my hand and led me to the course, the heat blazed inside me, and my body tingled.

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I know you're close." His voice taunted.

I flattened myself against the piece of plywood I was hiding behind. Edward had already shot me good on the butt _again_, and I was not going to let him get me again.

I stiffened when I heard his breath behind the plywood. I heard his footsteps close to one edge, getting ready to turn around the corner. I bolted around the other corner and caught him unaware.

_Splat!_ Hot pink paint was splattered all over his back now.

As he cringed from the unaware attack, I ran for cover, choosing to hide behind a mass of sewage pipes and plywood. I was breathing heavily, loving the rush of excitement coursing through my veins. I giggled, thinking about how funny it would be to have to explain to everyone why we were going to be all bruised up.

Suddenly, the end of a paintball gun was poking me in the side.

_Ah, damn it._

"Gotcha." His sultry voice whispered.

He began walking to stand in front of me, a proud smile on his face. All I could notice was the close proximity. The gun was the only thing between us. My limbs became weak, and my gun loosened from my hold until it dropped to the ground.

Edward's face changed. He looked into my eyes, registered the desire on my face and lowered his gun.

"Bella?" He asked, both confused and longing.

"Edward." I whispered back. My voice was low, thick, and laced with emotion. Staring at him, my stomach tingled and grew pleasurably warm.

I moved the gun out of our way, and pulled Edward closer. He stared at me with hooded eyes. His lips drew closer. My eyes closed and the softness of his lips touched mine. Never had one of his kisses felt this good before. It was as if not only were my lips receiving attention but so was my entire body. I'd never felt this kind of _longing_ before. I wanted him closer. I needed to _feel _him.

Our kisses grew heavier, and soon my hands were wound tight in his hair, pulling and grasping, enjoying the sounds that would emit from Edward's mouth after I did so. Edward's hands were on my lower back, pulling me flush against his body. They would wander down but never quite make it all the way down.

_I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you._

"I love you." I breathed out. The words felt so right coming out of my mouth. They felt so true.

Edward froze and then pulled back to see my face. His eyes were wide and shocked.

"What did you say?" He asked, his voice hopeful, yet confused.

"I love you, Edward." I repeated.

His eyes flashed and grew bright. A small smile began pulling at his lips.

"What was that? I didn't hear you." He said, his smile growing. I giggled and smiled with him.

"I love you." I told him, then pulled him flush against me again.

The longing returned, and our hands were frantic once again. The kisses were getting sloppier but that was because we couldn't get enough of each other.

"I love you, too." He gasped out, as I pulled away and began skimming his throat and collar bone with my lips.

Those words spurred me on, and I pulled him to me once again. As his kisses began sending more sparks throughout my body, I became frantic. My right leg came up on it's own accord and hitched itself against his hip. Edward suddenly moaned, and the sound spurred me on again.

Edward's hands suddenly cupped themselves around my bruised bottom, and I was left to wrap my legs around his waist as he pushed me up against the tangle of pipes.

As quickly as it happened though, Edward pulled away, when I slightly stiffened. With my legs around his waist, I could _feel_ his desire, and astonishment swelled throughout me. _I _made him feel like that.

Suddenly, Edward put me down and stepped three feet away from me. His face was flushed, and his eyes were cast downwards.

I caught my breath, and the warmth in the pit of my stomach began to extinguish itself.

"What's wrong?" I asked. He looked torn, as if he just did a very bad thing and was going to have to face the consequences.

"I"m so sorry." His voice suddenly blurted out. "I shouldn't have taken it that far. I"m so sorry."

Despair washed over me. So he didn't like that he had felt that way about me. He regretted it.

"Oh." I responded, my voice void of emotion.

At the sound of my cold answer, Edward's eyes snapped up.

"What's wrong?" He asked back, his voice frantic. His face looked even more self-tortured now.

"Nothing." I replied, suddenly angry. Why the hell should Edward be so jumpy about a make-out session?

"Don't lie to me." He replied, his voice suddenly very firm and hard. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing!" I yelled, feeling anger and rejection run through me. "Nothing, except the fact that my boyfriend doesn't even want to touch me! I'm sorry if I get upset when my boyfriend pulls away after a hot make out session and regrets it!"

Edward's face was astonished. "Regret it?" He asked, as if he was confused.

"Just forget it," I said coldly, pushing past him to leave.

His hand grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him. His face was determined.

"Bella, I don't regret it." He said firmly. "As ashamed as I should be about taking it that far, I don't regret it."

"Oh, so you should be ashamed? Great to know that I'm so repulsive to you, Edward." I seethed, pulling at my arm to leave again.

Edward pulled me closer until we were flush against each other again.

"How could you possibly think that I find you repulsive?" He asked, incredulous. "All I ever do is fantasize about you! I can't get you out of my head! Any moment I'm with you, all I want to do is pull you close to me and _show _you how much I love you! Bella, I don't regret it, but I'm trying to look after you! I don't want you to be uncomfortable or scared just because I can't control my hormones!"

I was astonished...and then angry again.

"I'm not some fragile baby, Edward. I'm sorry if having a sexually-jacked up girlfriend is an inconvenience to you!" I yelled. Vaguely, in the back of my mind, I wondered if anyone could hear us.

"It's not an inconvenience!" He immediately defended. "Bella, I love you, and I'd be willing to wait forever if you needed it. I just don't want to rush anything for you. I want you to be completely comfortable around me, no matter how intimate we are."

I felt my heart melt, and my mind suddenly registered how dumb this fight was. Edward's face relaxed when he saw the anger leaving my face.

"Sorry." I apologized. "Edward, I just want you to know that I'm always comfortable with you. You're the only person who can make me feel completely safe. With you, there is no news-worthy traumatic past. I can be completely normal with you. You don't need to worry about me."

Edward was astonished. For a full minute, he was speechless. Then he looked slightly embarrassed.

"But if you weren't scared, then why did you stiffen when...ah...you felt...my...you know." His face was completely red and his eyes were cast downwards.

"I was astonished." I confessed, my face red. "I couldn't believe that I could make you feel that way."

"You make me feel things I've never felt before." He replied, smiling before dipping down to give me a quick kiss.

"Same here." I said, smiling at him, and then I laced my fingers through his. We picked up our guns and began walking back to the entrance to leave.

"So you've fantasized about me?" I asked, amused at his embarrassment.

"Shut up." He mumbled, pulling me closer again his side, where I felt completely and utterly safe.

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_You see in color. It's black and white and clear to me, _

_that you've got the soul and the strength I know I need._

_When you walk in a room, it lights up with your love._

_For the first time in my life, I feel love's touch._

_You amaze me, you break me, in all the right places._

_When I look in those eyes, I can see the future in us. _

_For the first time in my life, that's fine, yeah it's alright._

_My heart almost spent, broken, and bent._

_There's pieces on the ground, _

_will you pick them up? _

_I was lost, but now I'm found. _

_You amaze me, you break me, in all the right places._

_I light up with your love._

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**THE END**

**Originally, I had a lot more drama planned in this story. I probably had like ten more chapters planned out, but this is a great place to end the story, and I've come to realize that I have no patience for long stories. **

**So this is the end. Hope you guys enjoyed this fanfiction. If there's any moments that you wish to read about that weren't covered, go ahead and tell me and I'll consider writing it as an outtake. Maybe you want to see Edward and Charlie's meeting? A proposal? A rated T version of another makeout session (remember I'm only 16)?**

**The song in this chapter is _Amaze Me _by: Mother's Anthem. They're a local band, but you can find the song on my website. Link on my profile.**

**Anyone have a good idea for an epilogue?**


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